Pain Comes In Stages
by kirstencohen
Summary: Tragedy hits Ryan and he is left to look after his baby girl with the help of Sandy, Kirsten, Seth and his friends. Marissa has her own troubles. Some bad language
1. One Loss, One gain

I own nothing from The O.C.  
  
Set immediately after Theresa has given birth.  
  
Ryan pressed his forehead against the cold hard glass and admired his new baby girl. Katie. She lay peacefully in her cot as the other babies surrounding her bawled for their mother. Maybe Katie was silent because she knew she couldn't have her own mother. She would have to settle for her father. A tear crept silently down Ryan's cheek and he turned away from the glass. He took a deep breath and made his way down the corridor to comfort Theresa's mother. Arturo was there, his mother weeping in his arms. When Arturo noticed Ryan watching them he gave him an encouraging smile and whispered something to his mom. She looked up at him with her tear stained face, "Please I can't see the baby. I just need to grieve. Please." Ryan nodded mutely and placed his hand on her shoulder. He kneeled down. "I'm gonna take Katie back to the Cohen's. You can call me any time you wanna see her and I'll bring her down to visit all the time. I need to be with my family right now." He stopped and waited for her answer and she looked at him and nodded wearily. "I'll call about the funeral arrangements," he finished. He shook Arturo's hand and headed over to the Cohen's where he was greeted with a crushing hug from Kirsten.  
  
As they were driving toward the manor Ryan held Katie in the back seat with Seth next to him making coochy coo noises. "Seth. She's asleep." Ryan said resignedly. "I know but she's so cute. Aren't you?" he answered in a mock baby voice, "I never thought that I would feel this way about a new baby in the house but I think because I know it's not Mom's... well you know." He finished with a shudder. Kirsten tossed an annoyed glance at her dark headed son. "Ryan, we didn't have time to set up a nursery for Katie but we're all gonna start on it after the funer... uh later." She finished kicking herself at her own stupidity.  
  
"It's okay. Really. You can talk about her. It's not like I'm not gonna talk about her. She's Katie's mom." He assured. Sandy smiled at his candour and informed him, "Well we've got the basics. A crib, baby bath, diapers, clothes etcetera, etcetera. We just gotta decorate the nursery. Right now it's a frightening shade of yellow. It used to be Rosa's room."  
  
"Where's Rosa gonna stay now?" Ryan asked concerned. He had grown to like Rosa. He never let her do anything for him. He always assured her that he could do his own laundry and dusting. He didn't like the idea of her being moved out of the room she had lived in for the ten years to make way for a nursery.  
  
"No Ryan it's okay. Rosa moved out of that room and into a bigger one a few years ago. We've just ever gotten around to redecorating it." Kirsten answered smiling at his concern for their housekeeper.  
  
Ryan stepped out of the car and, careful not to wake her, laid Katie in her stroller. He took the handles and pushed her over to the front door where Seth opened it for him and he walked into the mansion. His mansion. His home. He was closely followed by Sandy and Kirsten who struggled in with gift bags, balloons and an enormous, overstuffed tiger, a gift from Summer and Marissa. Ryan had also received a hamper full of baby clothes and everything you could possibly need from Anna. Seth had called her to inform her about Theresa and she wrote to him promising she would return to Newport for the funeral.  
  
They all sat in the kitchen enjoying a silent coffee when they heard Katie begin to cry softly in the den. Ryan looked over wearily and moved to get up but Kirsten stopped him. "Can I go? I haven't really gotten to see her much. Do you mind?" she asked hopefully. Ryan looked at Kirsten in surprise. He smiled and nodded signalling to the baby.  
  
Kirsten looked in at Katie. Her grandchild. Was she really that old? She thought distractedly but Katie began to sob softly again and Kirsten scooped her up into her arms. "Aww baby there. Shhh." She said gently. Kirsten looked into a pair of piercing blue eyes that she had most definitely inherited from her father. No denying that Katie was Ryan's then. She swayed her back and forth until she quietened down. When she had fallen back asleep Kirsten sat on the couch and stared at the tiny baby in her arms. She sighed knowing that she would grow up without her mother. Kirsten made an unspoken promise to her that she would take care of her no matter what. 


	2. Midnight Confessions

Chapter 2  
  
Ryan was standing in the middle of a field. The sun was almost up. He turned to find Theresa kneeling in the grass and pulling weeds out with her bare hands. As Ryan turned to go to her he felt his feet being pulled into the ground. His feet were sinking into the soil and it then all of a sudden it just stopped. He called out for Theresa to help him but she simply stood up and gave him a small wave. She too was sinking into the ground. He yelled for her to come back but she kept on sinking. A few seconds later Ryan was still struggling to get to Theresa, her head had disappeared into the earth but he saw something and stopped. Where Theresa had vanished a small bud was growing. It grew at a rapid pace and when it blossomed Ryan saw a tiny baby in the middle of it. He reached for her but he was too far away. He cried and pleaded for Theresa to come back and save him but he was rooted to the spot. He was unable to save Theresa and now he was unable to look after his child.  
  
He was woken by the sound of Sandy's voice, "You just don't wanna sleep tonight do you?" Ryan sat up in bed and looked around. His new room was empty. "Here you go honey. Here take it... there you go." Ryan turned to the baby monitor by his bed (He didn't have a dresser for his new room yet) and found where the voice was coming from. He looked over at the clock. 3am. He kicked off his sheets and pulled on an old wife beater. He heard Seth enter the room (there must be a baby monitor in every room of the house! he thought sniggering) He heard Seth begin to coochy coo again to Katie. "Seth she's eating." Sandy said gently. Ryan laughed and sat on his bed listening to the soft suckling of Katie on her bottle. Sandy had this under control he thought. "So how do you think Ryan's holding up?" Ryan sat bolt upright and turned up the volume on the monitor. "You know Ryan. You can never tell." A few moments of silence passed and Seth continued, "I don't know how to be around him anymore. He's just so... I don't know. Different is the best word I can think of."  
  
"Of course he's gonna be different." Sandy said reassuringly, "He's a father. I just hope he doesn't grow up too much. He's already pretty mature for his age but he's still a child. He takes on too much. Gets himself worn out."  
  
"Yeah. I noticed that. I mean think about Marissa. She was only his girlfriend. What's he gonna be like with his own kid?"  
  
"He'll be a great dad if I've had any influence on him," Sandy laughed  
  
"Oh yeah sure. You've taught Ryan a lot about parenting. That's why he's a seventeen year old dad..." Seth stopped and realised what he was saying, "Sorry. I wasn't... sorry." He repeated. Ryan began to finger the seams on his sheets as he listened intently.  
  
"This funeral's gonna be tough. I don't know how Ryan feels about it. He always seems to bottle himself up. He's just been going on as normal."  
  
"Some people have different ways of dealing with things Dad. We just gotta let him."  
  
"I know but it's difficult to watch, Seth. He's like a son to me and I can't help him." Ryan felt warmth spreading over his body at Sandy's words and he wished that he could open up to Sandy but deep down he hadn't really opened up to himself about Theresa yet. He turned his thoughts back to the monitor. "I wish he would open up a bit more," Sandy sighed, "And I know your mother feels the exact same. It's killing her to see him like this. Bottled up. Alone. Like I said it's difficult to watch your son go through something like this and not be able to do anything to help... I think she's done. Aren't you sweetie?" Sandy had turned his attention back to Katie. "Seth go back to bed. I can wait till she falls asleep."  
  
"Whatever you say Gramps." Seth laughed.  
  
"Gramps?" Sandy said thoughtfully. He looked in at Katie as she was dozing off to sleep, "Did you hear that Honey? I'm your Granddad. And I'm gonna treat you like a princess." Sandy stopped and Ryan felt a lump in his throat, "I know you're mom's not here to be with you but I promise you that if she could be here she would be. She loved you more than anything. When she held you after you were born she told your dad that it was the happiest moment in her life. She loved you and she gave up so much to get you here. I'm sorry you won't get to meet her... because she was a great girl." Sandy was crying now, "She was wonderful and your dad loved her so much. Just make sure you love your daddy as much as she did and I think he'll be okay. Is that a deal kid? Good. Goodnight my princess."  
  
Ryan heard Sandy exit the room and walk passed Ryan's new bedroom. He stopped at the top of the stairs and took a deep breath and then proceeded downstairs. Ryan sat on the edge of his new bed and cried. For the first time since he heard the doctors tell him she was gone he let himself cry. He clutched his sheets to his chest and sobbed. "I love you Theresa." He whispered hoping she would hear him.  
  
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	3. Preperations

Chapter 3  
  
Ryan stood in front of his mirror and stared his tie hanging limply around his neck. Sandy came in behind him dressed respectfully in a black suit. He turned Ryan to face him and began to tie his tie for him. Ryan looked at Sandy and sensed that he was about to say something. "Ryan," Sandy began, "I know today is gonna be hard for you. I'm here. So is Kirsten. And Seth. If you need us." Ryan closed his eyes and begged himself not to cry. When he opened his eyes Sandy was making his way out the door. "Sandy." Ryan called and Sandy turned on his heel. Ryan stood rooted and he sighed, "I need you all more than you know. You've all been great. Thanks." Sandy made his way toward him and wrapped his arms around his son. Sandy felt for the first time that Ryan had actually hugged him back. He pulled away and Ryan asked, "Who's got Katie?"  
  
Kirsten was in the nursery with Katie. She was pulling on the white dress that Jessica, Theresa's mother, had selected. It was Theresa's when she was a baby. It wasn't that long ago Kirsten thought to herself. Katie moaned as Kirsten tried to put on her little socks and bootees. "Just a minute honey. There you go... all ready? Lets go." She scooped her up into her arms and Katie nestled her head into Kirsten's neck. Kirsten closed her eyes and hummed a few bars of Rock-a-bye Baby before Ryan entered the nursery. Kirsten motioned to hand Katie over to Ryan but he said, "She looks comfortable there. Can you keep her while I go check everything's going okay at the church?"  
  
"Sure." Kirsten answered. Ryan left and Kirsten took Katie downstairs to find Seth and Summer sitting at the island in the kitchen. "Hey Mrs Cohen."  
  
"Hi Summer." Kirsten greeted. Summer was dressed in a mid length black skirt and a plain black top. She was glad that Summer hadn't worn her usual attire of mini skirts and crop tops. Seth sipped his coffee silently before he spoke up, "I don't know how I'm gonna get through this day. Ryan's acting so... upbeat. It's weird."  
  
"Seth, leave him." Kirsten ordered, "He'll grieve in his own time. Maybe this upbeat attitude is his shield. Leave him." Kirsten was bouncing Katie gently in her arms and Seth stopped suddenly, "Hey mom don't be getting too comfy over there. I don't want you an dad getting any ideas... ugh I just got an image." Summer laughed sadly and reverted back to Kirsten, "So Mrs Cohen..."  
  
"Kirsten." She corrected her.  
  
"Kirsten. Did Marissa say when she was getting here?" Kirsten stopped bouncing Katie and stared at Summer, "Marissa? Why would...? What do you...? Here?"  
  
"Yeah she told me she was gonna ride with Ryan to the church." Summer said warily  
  
"No she can't. There isn't enough space in the car for starters. Didn't she think to mention it to Sandy or me? Why would she just assume? For goodness sake that girl is gonna make him worse."  
  
"Mom!" Seth said outraged that she would talk about Marissa like that in front of her best friend.  
  
"No! Seth I'm not gonna keep my mouth shut anymore! All she does is drag him into her messed up life and she's not doing it anymore. Not today anyway. It's the mother of his child's funeral! Why would she think that she could just waltz back into his life anyway? Ugh that girl is so damn selfish I could... ugh Seth get me the phone." She ordered.  
  
"Mom what are you...?"  
  
"NOW!" Seth sprang from his stool and to Summer's surprise Kirsten placed Katie in her lap.  
  
When Kirsten came back into the kitchen she looked over at summer who was singing the Golden Girls theme tune to Katie. Kirsten laughed softly and Summer looked up embarrassed. "Sorry. I just love the Golden Girls."  
  
"Me too." Kirsten admitted, "Hailey and I used to watch it all the time. Summer? I'm sorry. About what I said. I know that Marissa's your best friend and I'm just a little frantic right now..."  
  
"It's okay," Summer cut her off, "I agree with you. Marissa would come here and make it all about her and... I agree with you." Kirsten reached over the counter and squeezed Summer's hand. "I called Jimmy and told him I didn't want Marissa to come over today. So she's gonna ride with him and Hailey... and Julie and my dad."  
  
"Okay." Summer replied softly. She bent down and kissed the top of Katie's head and she moved to hand her back over to Kirsten. "You look like you know what you're doing." Kirsten laughed as she stood up to make some coffee. "Hey you know what I just realised? You're practically her aunt." Kirsten smiled.  
  
"Hey you're right! Did you here that Katie? I'm you aunty Summer! Yes I am. Yes aww you're just so cute aren't you?"  
  
"Wow Summer I didn't have you down as the baby type!" A voice came form the doorway. Summer looked up, "Oh my God! Anna!"  
  
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	4. Saying Goodbye

I'm not going into details about how Theresa died. All you need to know is that she died while giving birth to Katie. Thanks for the amazing reviews!  
  
Chapter 4  
  
Summer stood up, carefully balancing Katie on her hip, and rushed over to give Anna a hug trying not to squash Katie in the process. "Anna I'm really glad you're here." Summer said sounding truly relieved. She turned to Katie, "Anna meet Katie, Katie meet Anna." Summer laughed and Anna shook Katie's tiny hand, "Nice to meet you Katie."  
  
"This is you're uncle Seth's other woman," Summer said jokingly and Anna smiled weakly. "Hey Mrs Cohen. Nice to see you again."  
  
"Hi Anna. Did you come from Pittsburgh by yourself?" Kirsten asked concerned, "Because I could have come to pick you up from the airport."  
  
"Thanks but my parents are still here. I was staying with my aunt in Pittsburgh so..."  
  
Ryan walked into the kitchen and gestured to Summer to take Katie off her hands but he stopped when he saw Anna. When Anna noticed that Ryan was behind her she smiled sadly and enveloped him in a crushing hug, "I'm so sorry for your loss." Anna whispered. Ryan hugged her back and felt glad he was surrounded by his friends and family. Anna had no idea just how much Ryan appreciated her return. "Thank you. I'm glad you're here," he answered. When they finally broke apart he looked around at the kitchen. Everybody had gathered there waiting for the knock on the door telling them that the car had arrived. He watched Kirsten and Summer entertaining his baby girl and he laughed to himself. He saw Anna and Seth becoming reacquainted and Sandy pacing the floor. This was his family, his friends. He knew that someone was missing. Someone important. Marissa. But he was secretly glad that she wasn't here. He couldn't deal wither today. He didn't have the strength. When they heard someone knocking on the door the kitchen went silent. Ryan walked over to Summer and took Katie from her. He made his way into the car closely followed by the people he loved more than anything.  
  
When they pulled up outside the church the first person Ryan saw was Marissa. She was with her dad, her mom, Hailey and Caleb. She was standing silently waiting for him. When he got out of the car she turned to him and said softly, "I'm so sorry. I never got to tell you that. But I am." She leaned in and kissed him gently on the cheek before squeezing his shoulder and walking away toward Summer and Seth. He looked at Marissa and he knew then that he truly loved her. She didn't push him and he was thankful. He felt a hand on his shoulder and he turned to find Caleb behind him. "Son. I know I've never really been supportive of my daughter's decision to take you in but I was wrong. You're a good kid. I know this is hard but you've gotta be strong. Strong for your baby girl." Caleb held out his hand and Ryan shook it. Caleb placed his other hand on Ryan's before turning to Katie. "So Katie. You're what? My ... GREAT Granddaughter?" Caleb laughed and Ryan smiled at the fact Caleb had now accepted him into his family. "Caleb do you think you could take her? I just gotta go talk to some people and I'd rather do that in my own. Do you mind?" Ryan passed Katie over to a somewhat surprised Caleb and went over to thank people for coming.  
  
Ryan was finishing his talk with some of Theresa's friends when he heard a familiar voice behind him, "Hey Chino. Is this still how it's done in the O.C.?" Ryan turned to find Luke standing at the doors of the church. "I heard and I thought I should come back and see you're okay man." He held out his hand and Ryan shook it in disbelief. "Wow man I didn't think I'd see you here."  
  
"Marissa called me. Just to let me know what's been going on you know? But when I heard about Theresa I thought I'd come back and check on you... Portland's a bitch anyway." He laughed. "Anyway I've seen you so I'll make tracks. I don't wanna get in the way. What with Julie and all. I'll just make trouble."  
  
"Nah man. I'd like it if you were here. I need people around me right now. Screw Julie Cooper... well you know what I mean. Forget about her. I could use all the friends I can get right now."  
  
"Whatever you need man." Luke said supportively.  
  
Ryan made his way down the aisle and sat in the front row with Kirsten and Sandy on each side and Katie in his lap. Jessica and Arturo were seated next to Sandy. He felt Seth's hand on his shoulder who was behind him with Summer and the rest of the gang. The funeral march sounded and he got to his feet. Katie was asleep in his arms now. Kirsten gripped his hand tightly and wouldn't let go. Sandy in his other side had his hand on Jessica's arm trying to console her.  
  
The priest's words gave Ryan no comfort. He stared up at the pulpit and waited to hear his name. "And now some words from someone who loved Theresa very dearly. Ryan Atwood." Ryan rose from his seat and handed Katie to Kirsten. He stepped up onto the pulpit and began. "There's nothing I can really say except to tell you that I loved Theresa. I've loved her forever. And now she's made the ultimate sacrifice to give me the greatest thing anyone could ever give. Our daughter. Katie." Ryan turned to Theresa's casket and placed his hand on top, "I wanna thank you for that Theresa. I'll love you forever and I'll make sure our daughter never forgets you because I know I won't." Ryan stopped and took a deep breath. He looked at the two front rows to find everyone in his life that mattered. Sandy, Kirsten, Seth, his friends. He felt a tear fall down his cheek and he stepped down from the pulpit.  
  
After the service Ryan stood at the doors with Sandy and Kirsten and thanked everyone for coming. Ryan shook numerous hands and accepted countless hugs. Many people who passed them looked pitifully at him and Katie and smiled at him encouragingly as if to ensure him that he would be okay.  
  
Sandy and Kirsten both stopped talking at once and stopped to look at the small figure staring at Ryan. She spoke up, "My baby. I'm so sorry." Ryan turned abruptly to find Dawn standing between Kirsten and Sandy with tears in her eyes. "Dawn. What are you doing here?" Ryan asked sternly. Dawn's eyes stung at the mention of her name. "I loved Theresa too you know. I watched her grow up and anyway I had to come and see my granddaughter didn't I?" she said gesturing to Katie. Ryan turned away from his "mother" and signalled to Marissa to take Katie. "Katie can only be your Granddaughter if you were my mother. You don't deserve to have anything to do with her. If the way you raised me and Trey is anything to go by then I don't want you anywhere near her. You're poison. She has a family. I have a family. A real family. And you aren't any part of it." Ryan turned from his mother in disgust and went over to Marissa and Luke who were looking after his daughter. He heard Dawn's sobs coming from the church and Sandy informing her that he would call her a cab.  
  
Back at the Cohen's Ryan had put Katie down for a nap after Anna had given her her feed and went into the den where Summer, Seth, Marissa, Anna and Luke were waiting for him. Seth moved out of the way for Ryan to sit down. "Thanks man. Listen thanks for today. You were all really great. I needed you and you were all there. Thanks." Ryan finished. He looked around at his friends and was sad when he realised that Luke and Anna would probably be returning to Pittsburgh and Portland soon. He turned to Luke, "So man. When you heading back?"  
  
"Are you kidding? You think I'm gonna miss watching Chino try to handle this?" Ryan looked at him perplexed, "I was gonna stick around. You know give you a hand. You'll probably need it knowing you Chino." Luke punched his arm and laughed. Ryan smiled not knowing what to say and he turned to Anna who was laughing. "Yeah Ryan you think we're gonna leave you to deal with this on your own. Anyway I'm over Seth now. I think I can deal with it."  
  
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	5. Lullaby

Hey guys I just got back from a fortnight's vacation in Lanzarote this afternoon. That's why it took so long for this chapter. Hope you enjoy. And all your R&R is great. Please keep it coming.  
  
Chapter 5  
  
When Ryan left the den he made his way upstairs but he didn't go into his room. Instead he tiptoed into the nursery. He found Katie lying peacefully in her crib. Her hands were up by either side of her face and she was snoring ever so softly. Ryan studied his daughter's face and paused at the shock of dark hair that had sprouted in the last few days. A memory of her mother. He ran his finger along her cheek and smiled. She was beautiful. His daughter. He heard a noise behind him and when he turned to investigate he found a figure in the doorway with their back to him as if to leave. "Anna." He said softly.  
  
"I'm sorry I didn't mean to interrupt it's just that I was about to leave and I wanted to see her before I left."  
  
"It's okay. Come in and say goodbye." He held out his hand to Anna and she took it. She peered into the crib. "She's gorgeous Ryan. You know that?"  
  
"How can I not?" he answered and after a pause he asked, "Why'd you decide to stay here? In Newport. Really."  
  
"I really do wanna stay to help you out and... I missed Newport. There I said it okay? I missed my friends and Harbour. Pittsburgh was okay... for a while. But I missed it. What about you? I mean I know why you came back but what does the future hold for the young, charming Ryan Atwood?"  
  
"Well I'm gonna graduate, get a decent job and support my daughter. I'm gonna make the Cohen's proud."  
  
"Ryan!" Anna laughed, "They already are! You just gotta look at them. The way Kirsten and Sandy look at you... it's just like... they love you. More than anything" Ryan blushed and looked at Katie. "Thanks for coming. I really needed you all today and you were there. Thanks." Ryan said. Anna smiled and looked at Ryan's piercing blue eyes. She felt him leaning in and she hesitated for a second. But only for a second and she gave in. His lips pressed against hers and she kissed him back. She tried to let go but alarm bells were sounding in her head and she pulled away. He stopped, shocked at what had just happened. They both noticed each other's expressions and they laughed. Knowing it was a mistake. A moment of weakness. "Sorry. I'm... I didn't mean that I just got caught up." Ryan said apologetically.  
  
"Me too. Sorry but I don't want... with you, I mean you're great but..."  
  
"I know, I know me too." Ryan stopped and they both started laughing again.  
  
"Well I think I'm gonna go. I'll see ya Chino."  
  
"See ya Pittsburgh."  
  
It was 4am and Ryan had been awake with Katie for about an hour. Ryan paced the nursery. "Come on Katie. What's wrong? Huh? I tried to feed you and you don't want it, I checked your diaper and it's clean and I've sung every single song I can think of. I might break out into a Wham number soon if you don't stop crying."  
  
"Hey Wham were good in their day." Kirsten had appeared at the doorway of the nursery. Ryan spun around startled, "Hey Kirsten. Sorry did the monitor wake you? I forgot to turn it off. Go on back to bed I got it covered."  
  
"Yeah. I can see that," she said sarcastically, "No I'm kidding. You're doing great. But maybe if you held her a little closer. You know a little less like a football." Ryan blushed and turned away not wanting her to see his embarrassment. He turned Katie toward him and balanced her on his chest. Kirsten smiled, "See there you go. You'll be a pro in no time."  
  
"Yeah right. I suck at this." He sighed. Kirsten frowned, "Ryan don't be so hard on yourself. You just need a little practice that's all." Ryan shook his head and continued to rock Katie back and forth. Moments of silence passed before Kirsten patted Ryan on the shoulder, "I see you've got it covered here so I'll just..." She motioned to leave but Ryan grabbed her arm. "Could you stay? I mean I've been here for like an hour with no adult conversation. Just lullabies." Kirsten smiled and sat in the rocking chair and watched him carry on rocking his daughter. "So how've you been? I mean... I know that's a stupid question but... how you holding up?" Kirsten stuttered. Ryan smiled and sat on the opposite chair. "I thought I was okay but..." he stopped not wanting to reveal his emotions. He looked over at the baby monitor and Kirsten reached for it. "I'll turn it off. No doubt Seth'll be on the edge of his bed eavesdropping." Ryan exhaled heavily and moved Katie into a cradle position. He began, "Most of the time I'm okay. But today at the funeral. I was so overwhelmed with everything that..." he stopped again but Kirsten didn't look away. "That what?" she asked.  
  
"That. I'm not even in control of my feelings anymore. I mean take today. I had myself convinced that I'd fallen in love with Marissa again after she kissed me on the cheek! That's just..."  
  
"Today was tough. It's expected that your emotions are a little up in the air."  
  
"Yeah and then I go in and deliver my speech or whatever it is and I truly believe in my head that Theresa is the one I love. And then I see my mom and I'm a total asshole and all she wanted to do was pay her respects." Ryan was shouting now. Kirsten stepped toward him and took Katie from him and laid her in her crib. "Ryan don't beat yourself up. You just went through something completely devastating and..."  
  
"NO KIRSTEN! I was an asshole! And then before everybody left I made a move on Anna! Seth's ex-girlfriend. I'm completely fucked up Kirsten and I don't know what to do. I can't be a Dad. It's just not in me. I'll screw it up because I..." Ryan stopped. He had tears in his eyes and he tried to wipe them away but they kept in coming. He stopped wiping. He didn't care anymore. Kirsten took his hands, "Because why?" she said calmly.  
  
"I'm scared." He said barely audible.  
  
"Of what?" She pushed, "Tell me Ryan. I may be able to help. You don't have to do this alone. What are you afraid of?"  
  
"Me." He whispered  
  
"What? How can...?"  
  
"What if I end up like him? Huh? I can't let that happen to my little girl. What if I end up like him?" he yelled.  
  
"Who?" Kirsten said trying to calm him by placing her hands on his shoulders, "Who?" She repeated.  
  
"My Dad." He whispered. Kirsten sighed and stared at the floor. "Ryan. You say that it's not in you to be a dad but I think what really isn't in you. It's your ability to be your dad. You couldn't hurt that kid. I know you couldn't. You're better than that." Ryan looked down, the tears flowing freely now. Kirsten wrapped her arms around him and fell into her arms. He caught his breath and whispered, "Thank you." 


	6. Religion

Hope you enjoy. And all your R&R is great. Please keep it coming.  
  
Chapter 6  
  
Ryan sat at the kitchen table and exhaled heavily. He knew that Sandy and Kirsten were getting impatient so he decided that he would just come out with it. He took another breath and he felt Kirsten reach across the table and take his hands, "Ryan what is it?" Sandy asked gently. He had been expecting the worst after Ryan had solemnly asked him and Kirsten if they could talk. Kirsten gripped Ryan's hands and he looked up. He began, "I gotta ask you something... and you can say no but... I was wondering if you two would maybe wanna... be Katie's Godparents." Sandy laughed, relieved that Ryan hadn't come out with something devastating. Kirsten was silent for a moment, a small smile playing on her lips. Kirsten looked at Ryan, "We would love to. I mean only if you want us to... isn't there somebody you would rather...?" Ryan shifted uncomfortably in his seat, "Sorry it's okay I understand." He motioned to stand up and Sandy sprang out of his seat, "No Ryan we want to it's just... we don't want you to feel obliged to ask us." Sandy said hurriedly. Ryan frowned.  
  
"I don't feel obliged I just want you to be part of her life that's all." He said quietly. Kirsten smiled and went towards her son, "We would love to," she repeated, "Actually we would more than love to."  
  
On the day of the christening Ryan dressed Katie in a white dress. She whimpered as he tried to put on her tiny little shoes. "You don't like things on your feet do ya honey?" Ryan asked smiling knowing that Katie didn't even like to sleep with blankets over her feet. Ryan contemplated not making her wear shoes but decided against it as he placed the second shoe on her left foot. Seth entered the nursery and again began to coochy coo his niece. "Man you have GOT to stop doing that." Ryan said amused. Seth ignored his comment and announced that he was going to get ready. Before he got through the doorway he spun around and asked, "What's a guy supposed to wear to this thing anyway? Is it a bar mitzvah type of thing or are going casual." Seth ducked as Ryan threw the overstuffed tiger at Seth and he ran out of the room. Ryan turned back to his daughter, "Lets get you downstairs little missy."  
  
When the car pulled up outside the Church Ryan saw a scene that he remembered from Theresa's funeral. There were lots of groups dotted all over the church yard but this time it wasn't a mass of black, except for Marissa who was wearing a short black skirt and black jacket. She was next to Luke and Anna and Summer was talking to a few people from the Harbour Soccer team that Ryan had become pretty friendly with. When Ryan got out of the car he passed Katie to Sandy and he went over to see Luke, Anna and Marissa. When Ryan approached Anna blushed, still embarrassed about their stolen kiss all those weeks ago. "Hey man how's it goin'?" Luke asked.  
  
"I'm okay. Just wanna get this over with you know? I'm only doing this for Theresa and her mom. They were pretty religious you know."  
  
"Yeah?" Luke asked again. Ryan turned to look at Marissa and he was shocked at her appearance. Ryan hadn't seen Marissa in about three weeks and as he looked at her now he saw her drawn and pale. She had massive dark circles around her red, bloodshot eyes and she looked unwashed. Her hair was unkempt and her clothes were hanging loosely on her now frail frame. When she spoke her voice was barely a croak as if she hadn't used it in all those weeks he hadn't seen her. When he hugged her he could feel her spine sticking out through her clothes and he could hear her breathing in short rasps. He was speechless. He continued to stare at her until Sandy placed his hand on Ryan's shoulder and handed Katie to him and informing him that the Priest was ready to begin. Sandy's eyes flickered in Marissa's direction and Ryan could see the tremor in his eyes before he smiled patted her in the shoulder, "And how are you Marissa? I haven't seen you in a while."  
  
"I'm fine Mr Cohen. Thanks."  
  
"Call me Sandy, sweetie. I think we'd better make our way inside now."  
  
When Ryan stood at the altar with Katie in his arms and Kirsten and Sandy by his side he couldn't help but let his mind wander towards Marissa. Her build had gone from delicate to fragile and her eyes had gone from hopeful to empty. He felt Kirsten move behind him and signal to take Katie. When she took him from him she stepped toward the Priest but as much as he tried he couldn't pay much attention. Religion meant nothing to him. He didn't believe in God or anything like that. He went to mass with Theresa and her family a few times but he didn't like the stories of the last supper or Christmas. Christmas always meant heartache for him. The wine would of course be flowing and the fact that it was Christmas would only remind his mother of the fact that they had no money. This was a recipe for disaster. When Theresa's mother had sat him down and told him of how Jesus fed the 5000 with a couple of fish and loaves of bread he tried to stop himself laughing out loud. Ryan thought of Theresa. She was a good Catholic. Went to Church every Sunday. Went to confession and whatever else was involved. So why did God let her die? Why was he allowing his daughter to grow up without a mother? Why was he letting Marissa fall apart? But as Ryan was contemplating these thoughts he remembered that there was no room in his life for religion. A faith. Something to feel hopeful for.

What do you think? Love it? Hate it? Either way let me know.


	7. Troubled Waters

Hope you enjoy. And all your R&R is great. Please keep it coming.  
  
Chapter 7  
  
Summer slipped out from under Seth's arms and checked to see that he was still asleep. As she sat up Seth rolled over onto his side and began to snore softly. She laughed to herself and checked the time, 2am, before making her way downstairs to make a cup of coffee.  
  
She tiptoed downstairs after checking that Katie was still sound asleep and she got herself a mug from the cupboard, "Summer? What are you doing here?" A voice sounded from the doorway of the den. Summer jumped and dropped her mug. It smashed into tiny shards. "Kirsten!" Summer sighed, relieved. "I uh Seth didn't tell you?" She asked breathlessly. Kirsten came toward her smiling, "No. He didn't." Summer bent down to pick up the glass from the shattered mug. "I'm sorry, I just you scared me. I didn't... I mean I ... thought that you..." Summer stuttered, trying to explain why she was here. Kirsten fetched a brush and swept the glass into the trash. "It's okay. I was just startled." Kirsten said still highly amused at Summer's reaction. Summer sat at the island in the kitchen and explained, "Seth asked me to stay. He's a little overwhelmed with all the changes going on and especially today with Marissa." Kirsten stopped smiling and looked at her feet. She began to wring her hands, "I'm really worried about her." Summer finished. Kirsten looked up, "Me too." She said barely audible, "What happened to her therapy?" Kirsten asked. Summer shrugged.  
  
"She never went back to therapy after the whole Oliver debacle and after Ryan left she just went dark. She began drinking more and I think she just stopped eating. She would just cry all the time." Kirsten winced and sat down next to Summer. "I just can't believe Jimmy or Julie isn't doing anything about it."  
  
"I know. I've tried to take her to therapy myself but she won't move. She just lies there on her bed all day. She has vodka hidden all over her room. Whenever I find any I just pour it down the sink but Julie drinks it all the time so Marissa just steals it from her."  
  
"Haven't you tried to talk to her Mom?" Kirsten asked.  
  
"Of course I have!" Summer said outraged, "But when am I supposed to do that?" She stopped realising she was yelling at Kirsten, "Sorry. I mean Julie's always too busy or on some vacation with Caleb."  
  
"What about Jimmy?"  
  
"I didn't really think about him. But to be honest I'm sick of it. Trying to save her. She doesn't care anymore and I've tried with her. I just... I can't anymore." Summer got up and made her and Kirsten some coffee. Kirsten thought for a few minutes, "I'll talk to my Dad and see if he can speak to Julie. If that doesn't work I'll go to Jimmy." Summer turned around, "I don't think that it's therapy she needs. I think its rehab." Kirsten sipped her coffee and after contemplating this she stood up, "I don't care what it is. As long as she gets better." Kirsten made her way out of the kitchen, "Goodnight Summer."  
  
"Night Mrs Cohen."

* * *

"Dad! She's killing herself! You're telling me that you don't see a change in her at all?" Caleb spun around frustrated. He saw the look of concern on his daughter's face and his hardened expression softened. "Kiki. Of course I see a difference in her but... I just assumed that she was missing Ryan. She hasn't changed that much. She's just tired."  
  
"Tired? Tired? Are you kidding me? Have you seen her? She weighs like eighty pounds! You could get drunk just from the stench of alcohol on her breath and you put this down to tiredness?" Kirsten screamed outraged. Caleb sat down behind his desk, "I have a lot of work to be getting on with and I can't be pestered right now with a teenage tantrum." Kirsten opened her mouth as if to say something but she froze and looked on as her Father busied himself with work. She turned and walked slowly out of his office before stopping at the doorway and turning toward her Father, "If this was Seth that... changed. Is this how you would be treating him?" Caleb looked up knowing his stubborn daughter wouldn't leave until he answered her, "Of course not." He said simply. Kirsten closed her eyes, "Marissa is your step- daughter. The fact that you would turn a blind eye to her is... scary. You're not the man I thought you were."  
  
Kirsten sat in the kitchen with her Husband. "He didn't care. He was more interested in work than his daughter! Well step-daughter but you know what I mean." Sandy put his hand on hers and kept quiet. He knew if he began talking he wouldn't stop. He hated Caleb even more for his complete ignorance and apathy toward his family. It was just some thing else to put on the long list of Caleb character qualities.  
  
Ryan entered the kitchen with Katie in his arms. He looked over at a somewhat fraught Sandy and Kirsten, "Hey I'm just gonna give Katie her feed and then put her down for the night."  
  
"Okay. How was your day?" Sandy asked. Ryan got a bottle of milk from the fridge and began to heat it up, "It was okay. I just hung out with Katie, Luke and Seth all day."  
  
"What's your plans for tomorrow?" Kirsten enquired. Ryan stopped and looked at his daughter, "I was gonna go and see Marissa. See how she's doing. She wasn't looking so great last Sunday." Sandy felt Kirsten stiffen and he gripped her hand more tightly. "Are you sure?" She asked carefully. Ryan, still busying himself with feeding Katie, replied, "I have to. It's my fault. I need to help her get better from... whatever it is she's got." Kirsten jumped to her feet "No you don't! It's not your fault Ryan and you can't..."  
  
"Kirsten don't," Sandy cut in.  
  
"No Sandy I have to." She said more calmly now, "Ryan, listen to me. You have responsibilities now. You have a daughter. You've got Katie to look after. If you get caught up with Marissa... she'll wear you down. I'm not saying you can't help her but this hero complex of yours... you have to let that go."  
  
"I can't Kirsten. I have to help her." Ryan said quietly. Sandy stood up, "We aren't saying that you can't. We're just warning you not to get drawn in again. You can't afford to put all your efforts into Marissa and have no time for your daughter."  
  
"Marissa isn't your responsibility." Kirsten finished for him. Ryan thought about this for a moment and looked at Katie who was falling asleep as she finished the last of her milk. "I hear you. But I still have to go and see her." Kirsten sat back down onto her chair and sighed, "I know you do." Kirsten went silent. She knew that Ryan couldn't resist a damsel in distress but she was scared for him. For Katie. But she knew that she couldn't do anything to stop him being sucked in again.

* * *

The next day Ryan set out after breakfast towards Caleb and Julie's new McMansion. He borrowed Kirsten's car as she her been boycotting the office since her and Caleb's spat. Ryan knocked on the door and waited until their maid, Maria, opened the door. Instead a rather annoyed Julie Cooper... Nichol swung the door open in a rage, "What the hell do you want?" She spat.  
  
"I wanna see Marissa. Is she home?" Ryan asked trying to hide his aversion towards the red head.  
  
"How am I supposed to know? She hasn't come out of her room since the Christening. God knows how she's surviving up there." She replied. Ryan noted that there was no concern or sympathy in her tone whatsoever. "Can I come in?" Ryan asked. Julie simply walked away leaving the door open behind her. Ryan made his way upstairs and found Marissa's room door shut. He knocked gently on the wood and called her name, "Marissa? It's Ryan. Can I come in?"  
  
He heard the sound of vomiting coming from inside the room.  
  
"Marissa? Are you okay?"  
  
He heard the room go silent.  
  
"Marissa?"  
  
He heard a thud.  
  
He tried to open the door but it was locked.  
  
"Marissa!" He was yelling now.  
  
He rammed his body into the door.  
  
Silence.  
  
The door broke open and Ryan stumbled into the room and scanned the bed and floor for her. She was nowhere to be found.  
  
Silence.  
  
He found the bathroom and he pushed the door open. There were a bundle of clothes on the floor. When Ryan got closer he saw a mass of brown hair. There was a mixture of vomit and blood on the toilet seat. He spun her onto her back a found her mouth also covered in the mixture. He shook her trying to wake her up. She was breathing. Barely. He could feel her spine sticking out under her bathrobe as he spun her onto her side in case she threw up again. He raced to the phone and dialled 911.  
  
Ryan checked on Marissa again. She was the same. He sped downstairs, "Julie? Julie where the hell are you?"  
  
"What are you yelling about?"  
  
"Marissa. She's collapsed or something. I called 911 and they're on their way." Julie pushed passed Ryan and ran upstairs into her daughter's room. Ryan wasn't far behind. "My baby." She whispered. Ryan stung at these words. That's what his mother used to call him. "The guy said not to move her. Just keep her warm." Julie sat back on her heels and smoothed Marissa's hair out of her face. "What have you done to yourself?"  
  
So what do you think? Should Marissa die? You decide! Let me know what you think.  
  
Come on people. Click that wee button and leave a review. If there are no reviews then there are no more chapters.


	8. His Girls

Hope you enjoy. And all your R&R is great. Please keep it coming.  
  
Chapter 7  
  
Ryan paced the floor of the waiting room. Julie was seated next to her youngest daughter Kaitlin, "Honey everything's gonna be okay. We're just waiting for the doctor to tell us how to make your sister better and then I'm sure we can go see her." Kaitlin remained silent. She hadn't said anything since she saw her sister lying in a pool of her own blood and vomit. Ryan kept pacing. Julie's head snapped up as Jimmy entered the room, "What's going on? What happened? Has the doctor told you anything?" Hailey closely followed him. Ryan tried to explain, "I found her in the bathroom. She was sick and there was some blood. She was unconscious and we're still waiting for the doctor to tell us what's happening." Jimmy walked towards Kaitlin, "Hey Kiddo. How you holding up?" Kaitlin turned to look at her father. It was the only reaction anyone managed to get out of her for the past hour, "Daddy?" she whispered.  
  
"Yeah honey. I'm here." He replied softly. Kaitlin's face crumpled and she began to sob into her father's arms, "I was so scared daddy. I just want her to be okay." Jimmy rocked her back and forth until she calmed down and Ryan turned to Hailey, "Could you please go call Sandy and Kirsten? Tell them what's going on. Also could you get them to call Summer?"  
  
"I called them in the car. They all wanted to come but Kirsten said that only Summer was allowed for now."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"She doesn't think that Jimmy and Julie would wanna be bombarded with people right now. I'm actually gonna go too as soon as I find out what's happening."  
  
"Oh. Okay."  
  
Just then the doctor entered the waiting room, "Uh Mr and Mrs Cooper?" Julie jumped to her feet, "It's Mrs Nichol. I'm her mother."  
  
"And I'm her Father." Jimmy spoke up. The doctor looked over at Hailey and Ryan and then back to Julie, "Do you mind these two being here?" Hailey put her hand on Jimmy's shoulder, "I'll be outside." She whispered. Ryan looked pleadingly at Julie, "No. The boy can stay," she said. The doctor cleared his throat and continued, "Well your daughter has obviously been drinking a colossal amount of alcohol. Has she gone through any stress or anxiety?" Julie and Jimmy looked at each other before Julie answered, "Uh well you could say that." The doctor continued, "Well she finally went overboard and it has damaged her liver considerably. It's very serious and if we can't find a new liver for Marissa in two, maybe three, days then I'm not sure that there's much that we can do." The room was silent except for the consistent sobs coming form Kaitlin. Jimmy sat down and comforted his daughter. "So how do we get her a new liver? I mean... how long will that take?" The doctor again cleared his throat, "Mrs... Nichol? I'm really not sure how long it will take. It all depends on how closely the liver resembles..."  
  
"Okay, okay so it's a long shot I know. Can I see her?" Julie said impatiently. Ryan frowned at the irate woman standing in front of him. How could she be acting like it was no big deal? The doctor motioned for Jimmy and Julie to follow him they got up. Jimmy turned to Ryan, "Look after Kaitlin for a few minutes for me."  
  
"Sure." Ryan said barely audible. He sat next to Kaitlin who had returned to her silent state and he closed his eyes.  
  
Ryan hadn't been allowed to see her. She was in intensive care and so only the parents were allowed in. Jimmy had a hard time trying to get Kaitlin in to see her. When Ryan watched Kaitlin go through the doors to intensive care he ached. He desperately had to see her.

* * *

Back at the manor Kirsten had taken to looking after Katie. She decided to take a couple of months leave from work to help out at home. The day after Marissa had been taken into hospital Ryan still hadn't come home. Kirsten sent Sandy to fetch him. "Just bring him home. He's not even allowed to see her and he won't have eaten since breakfast yesterday."  
  
Sandy found Ryan sleeping in the waiting room. Julie was next to him also asleep. "Ryan... Ryan wake up." Ryan opened his eyes slightly, "Sandy? What's wrong? How is she? Did something happen?" he stuttered trying to get up. Sandy put his hands on his shoulders and pushed him back into his seat, "She's still the same. I came to take you home. You can take a shower and get something to eat... see your daughter. Then maybe you can come back tomorrow." Ryan looked over at Julie. "Okay. I'll come home. How is Katie?"  
  
"She's teething and won't shut up." He laughed.  
  
Ryan went straight into the kitchen to see his daughter. He took her from Kirsten. He saw that she had a tooth coming in at the back, "Hey honey. How's the Kirsten been treating ya huh?"  
  
"She cried a lot last night but I think she's just teething. How's Marissa?" Kirsten asked gently.  
  
"Same. Has she been bathed yet?" Ryan asked not taking his eyes off of Katie.  
  
"No I was just about to. Seth is preparing everything upstairs"  
  
"I'll do it." Ryan took Katie to her nursery where he found Seth and Summer kneeling next to the baby bath on the floor. Seth had his elbow in the water. Ryan stopped at the doorway and watched them bicker over the temperature of the water, "It's to hot for her!" Seth exclaimed.  
  
"Oh come on she can take it. She's not you!" Summer said sarcastically.  
  
"Do you want to burn her?"  
  
"Do you wanna give her pneumonia?" Ryan stepped in, "Guys let me try. He put his hand on the water and looked over at Seth, "It's fine. Seth could you get me out her pyjamas?" Summer sat back and watched as he undressed Katie and lowered her into the bath. Seth hovered above them covering his eyes with his hand. Summer saw this and frowned, "Cohen what are you doing?"  
  
"Look Summer I don't know the laws with little girls and nakedness and stuff so..." he was cut off by Ryan and Summer's laughter. "Seth sit down and help me." Ryan said between sniggers. Seth parted his fingers slightly so as he could see out with only one eye but as Seth sat down Summer reached over and pulled his hand away from his face.

* * *

Ryan sat on the kitchen stool and watched as Seth tried to convince his parents to buy both Ryan and him a car, "Come on Mom. What if Ryan wants to go out with Katie? What's he supposed to do? Give her a ride on his bike?" Ryan noticed that he seemed to be winning the argument. Sandy looked pensive, "Seth you actually have a point there." Seth raised his eyebrows, "Yes! See a car is a really good..." Seth was cut off by the loud ring from the telephone. The room went silent and they all turned to look at the phone. "Somebody answer it." Summer pleaded. Sandy picked up the receiver, "Sandy Cohen." He went silent before turning to the group and mouthing the word "Jimmy"  
  
"Oh that's great Jimmy. That's fantastic."  
  
Silence.  
  
"Okay I'll tell him. Bye and... I hope it goes okay."  
  
Sandy hung up and turned to the group, "That was Jimmy," he said stupidly, "They have a liver for her and she's going into surgery now."  
  
"Now? Can I see her before she goes in?" Ryan asked urgently.  
  
"Sorry son. She's going in this second but if Marissa asks to see you when she wakes up then you can see her. But now we just have to pray that everything goes okay." Summer sat down, "What could go wrong?" she asked in a small voice. Sandy shook his head, "I don't know. I know as much as you. Jimmy didn't exactly elaborate. I guess we just have to wait and see what happens."

* * *

**_Okay people there won't be anymore updates for this fanfic or my other fanfic Palm Trees for 2 weeks because I'm going on vacation tomorrow. So lets make sure there are lots of good reviews when I get back and I'll reward you with a new chapter okay? Thanks for reading xxx _**


	9. Promises

**Melodie568 gave me a great suggestion to make Marissa's new liver be from Theresa and I wish that I could but it would be too late because Theresa has been dead for a few months. DAMN! It was a really great idea too. Oh well I'm back from sunny Lanzarote and I've written you all a new chapter so I hope you enjoy! Thanks for all of the reviews they were really great.**

**FYI I'm not a doctor and probably never will be so I won't be going into much detail about Marissa's procedure or condition. If I make a stupid mistake in technical details I apologise but I'm going with all the medical knowledge I have. Thanx.**

Chapter 9

Sandy entered his kitchen to find it empty. He was still soaking wet from surfing and he was dripping all over the floor. He took off his t-shirt and dried his hair with it before making his way upstairs to his bedroom. He found a mass of blonde hair peeking out from under their duvet. He pulled the covers away from his wife's face. He didn't want to wake her. He hadn't seen her so peaceful in weeks. She sighed in her sleep and she rolled onto her side. Sandy noticed her feet were out from under the covers. They were ice cold. He covered them up but within a second she had kicked her way out and her feet were sticking out the side of the bed again. She never did like to cover up her feet. He lay down to face his wife and he stroked her cheek gently. She stirred slightly and her eyes flickered. He pulled her close and she opened her eyes, "Morning hubby," she said sleepily.

"It's about quarter to nine. We have to be up soon if we wanna make the hospital."

"Okay I'm getting up." Kirsten moved to sit up but Sandy pulled her back down, "I said we have to get up _soon _not right now. Lie with me." His wife lay back down next to him and tried to read his expression, "What are you thinking?" She asked.

"Just how you look so beautiful when you've just woken up." He smiled and kissed Kirsten's forehead, "Feel free to return the compliment," he joked.

"You are the most handsome man I know... even if you do have seaweed in you hair and you smell like fish."

"Fish?" he asked defensively while pulling the seaweed from his hair.

"Well fish, the sea, whatever, its all the same smell to me." She laughed and brushed the damp hair from his forehead. They lay in silence for the next ten minutes enjoying the quiet. When the clock clicked to 9am Kirsten made her way into the bathroom and stepped into the shower. Sandy followed her into the bathroom and decided to shave. When Kirsten emerged from the shower she heard the cry from the baby monitor. She looked over to Sandy who was washing the shaving foam from his face. He stood and stared at the monitor and waited. He heard the sound of Summer's voice through the speaker, "Hey baby, you're up late today huh? Okay I'm just gonna turn this off." The monitor clicked off and Sandy returned to getting ready for the day.

When they had all grouped in the kitchen Seth was yawning widely and Summer was scolding him for sleeping in, "I'm sorry but we were up late last night. You know that... ouch! Sorry." Kirsten put her coffee mug in the sink and turned to the group, "Okay listen. We may not all get into see her today. It may just be Summer and Ryan who get in so be prepared for a lot of waiting around," she turned to Ryan who she knew was desperate to see Marissa, "You can probably go in first," she said and Ryan nodded. Kirsten turned back to the group, "Okay, Seth, Summer and Anna you can ride with Sandy and I'll take Ryan, Luke and Katie. Lets go."

When they entered the reception area of the hospital Sandy went over to the desk to find out which room Marissa was in and who was allowed to go up. When Sandy came back over they all stood silently. He took his wife's hand, "We can go up in groups of three for about ten minutes," he turned to Ryan, "I understand you wanna see her alone?" Ryan nodded and Sandy took him by the elbow. He kissed his wife goodbye and he and Ryan went into the elevator. "Sandy? I though I was allowed to see her alone."

"You are. But you don't know which room she's in."

"Right."

When Sandy and Ryan emerged from the elevator Jimmy was waiting for them. He shook both Sandy and Ryan's hands and led them down a corridor, "Ryan there's a lot of tubes and monitors around her so try to prepare yourself. She's awake but she still tired. Think you can handle it?" Ryan nodded again and Jimmy pushed the door of her room open. Ryan stepped in to find Marissa looking in pretty much the same condition she had at the christening. Her elbows poked alarmingly through her white papery skin and her eyes bulged even when closed. She was dressed in white pyjamas and there were tubes all over her body. Marissa opened her eyes when she heard Ryan sit on one of the three hard plastic seats by her bed, "Ryan. I'm glad you're here." She reached across the bed to try to take his hand but she was even too weak to life her wrist of the bed. Instead Ryan reached across and took her hand in his. She attempted to grip his hand but she didn't seem to have the strength to do anything than let it rest limply in Ryan's palm. "Everybody came to see you. Sandy, Kirsten, Seth, Summer, Anna and Luke. Oh and I also brought Katie but..."

"But what? You don't want me to see her?"

"No. I just didn't think you'd want to."

"Of course I would. If that's okay."

"Sure. So how are you feeling today?"

"Better. Still kinda groggy from the drugs. My body didn't react well to the drugs they gave me first so they gave me new ones and they seem to be doing their job but they leave me feeling tired all the time," Marissa stopped and closed her eyes before continuing, "I'm gonna be in recovery for a few months."

"I know." Ryan replied quietly.

"I just want you know that this isn't gonna get better overnight. I'll be able to go home in a few days but I won't be able to get out of bed for long and then... after I get better I... I have to go back to therapy."

"As long as you get better. You have to do whatever it takes."

"I need you Ryan. I can't do this without you. We said that we would stay together didn't we? You said you loved me. You still love me don't you? Will you stay with me?"

"Marissa... I will be with you every step of the way but... I can't devote all my time to you. I have Katie and I have to look after her. I can help you but I don't think we can be together... like that anymore. For now anyway."

"Why? Why can't we be together? I need you."

"We can. But not now. You just have to promise to get better so we can start again. Promise me you'll get better."

"I promise you," she whispered. The door opened slightly and Jimmy popped his head through the gap, "Hey uh Ryan your time's up and Summer's getting antsy waiting out here."

"Sure I'll be out in a sec." He turned back to Marissa, "I'll come see you as often as I can and I'll have Kirsten bring Katie in so you can see her."

"Thank you."

"Just remember to keep your promise."

"I will."

When Ryan exited Marissa's room he felt drained. He saw that Summer, Seth, Anna and Luke were waiting. Ryan frowned, "I thought it was only groups of three."

"They made an exception so we could all go in together. We promised we'd be quiet as a mouse." Seth explained. He slapped Ryan on the back as he pushed open the door to let the rest pile in. Ryan went back downstairs and found Julie, Kirsten and Sandy in the waiting room. Katie was in her pushchair sucking on her pacifier. Ryan noticed that she didn't have her shoes on. He scanned the room to see if she had managed to kick them off her feet but found them in Kirsten's lap. They all turned to look at him when he entered the room, "How'd it go?" Sandy asked.

"Pretty good. She seems determined. Kirsten she wants to see Katie so I said that you'd take her up."

"Sure. Sandy and I are gonna go up when the rest come down." Ryan sat down and the room filled with silence. Ryan stared at Julie who looked less than composed. Her fiery red hair was pulled back from her face exposing her pale complexion free of any makeup. He felt for the first time that she really did care for her daughter. "Where's Kaitlin?" he asked. Julie jumped at the sound of his voice and replied, "With my Mom."

"Your Mom?" Ryan asked, suspicious as to why she wasn't here visiting her granddaughter. Julie sensed Ryan's thoughts and as if answering his thoughts she said, "She has arthritis and she finds it hard to get around. That why she isn't here today." Julie's voice was monotone. She stared at the cancer poster in front of her and wrung her hands.

When the four who were upstairs came back down Kirsten and Sandy took baby Katie up to Marissa's room. When they went in Sandy went straight over to her and kissed the top of her head, "How you doin' kid?"

"As well as can be expected." She laughed. When she noticed Katie her face lit up, "Can I hold her?" she asked hopefully. "Sure honey but do you think you can? I mean she's pretty heavy now." Kirsten asked.

"Yeah just sit her on my lap and she can rest against me." She sat up as best she could with the help of Sandy and Kirsten placed Katie on Marissa's lap and rested her head on her chest, "Is he too heavy?" Kirsten asked cautiously.

"No she's fine. She's gotten so big. Hi baby." Marissa leaned down and kissed her dark wispy hair. "So sweetie I hear you're gonna be going home in a few days."

"Yeah the doctors are setting me free... well not entirely. I'm gonna have a therapist at the house three times a week."

"Well we're just glad that you're getting better," Kirsten said smiling. Just then there was a knock at the door and nurse entered the room, "I'm sorry to cut your visit short but Miss Cooper is due her medication and..." Sandy stood up, "Say no more." He bent down and again dropped a kiss onto Marissa's head, "Goodbye sweetie. We'll come visit again when you get home."

"Thanks Sandy." Kirsten crouched down and embraced Marissa as best she could. When she pulled back she brushed the hair from Marissa's face. She kissed Katie on the cheek before Kirsten scooped her up into her arms. Kirsten looked deep into Marissa's eyes and asked, "Promise you'll get better?" Marissa smiled weakly and answered simply, "I've already made that promise."

**Thanks for reading. Please leave a review and I'll have a new chapter up as soon as I can.**


	10. The Angel, the Princess and the Hottie?

I am loving all the reviews so please keep them coming and I'll keep the chapters coming. I promise.

Chapter 10

Ryan pulled up next to the grass. He turned off the ignition and turned to look at his daughter in her car seat, "You ready for this?" he asked shakily. After a pause he said, "Nah. Me either." He got out of the car and undone Katie's car seat. He hoisted her into his arms and balanced her on his hip as he opened the trunk and reached in. "You're getting heavy baby girl." He said laughing. His daughter snuggled her head into his neck and gurgled. Ryan merely laughed and closed the trunk. He plodded over the grass and came to a large stone.

"A Beloved Daughter, Sister and Mother.

Theresa Jessica Sanchez

05.10.86 – 16.03.04

Now An Angel In Heaven."

Ryan crouched down and sat Katie in his lap. He laid the lilies at the foot of her headstone, "Sorry. They got crushed in the trunk." Ryan apologised. He looked down at Katie who, seemingly knowing what was going on, was silent. He kneeled in the grass and sat her in front of him with her leaning on his knees for support, "Katie?" he asked softly. Katie turned her head and stared at her father for a second before turning back to the headstone, "Katie, this is your mom. She's in heaven right now but her spirit will always be with you. She's your guardian angel and she'll watch over you forever." He looked at the headstone and asked, "Right? You'll look after her for me when I'm not there won't you?" Ryan stopped again repositioned his daughter, "She looks like you," he said with his eyes closed, "She's doing really great but... but I guess you know that already. Everybody really misses you. Arturo, your mom... me. Even Sandy cried when he was talking to Katie about you. He said you were a great girl and that you were wonderful. Do you remember? Did you hear me that night? I meant it. I do love you and I always will but... I think I'm falling for someone else. I thought I loved her before but I know for sure that I do now. I'm sorry I don't mean to be moving on so fast but... I need your help. Do you think that you could do me a favour and ask God to help her for me? I know you can... you can do anything." Ryan laughed and wiped the tears that had fallen onto his daughter's head. "I'll come back soon. I promise. Goodbye Theresa." Ryan got up and composed himself before making his way to the car. Katie began to whimper softly and she looked back at the headstone, "I know," Ryan whispered, "I want mommy too."

Marissa sat up in bed. She was back at the castle but this time she didn't feel like the princess locked in the tower. She was being looked after by her mother. She fussed over her and brought her soup and she loved her mother more for it. She could sense that sub zero Julie, ice queen of Newport had thawed slightly. Part of her heart had melted when she saw Marissa lying on the bathroom floor. So helpless. When her daughter cried for her when waking up from the anaesthesia Julie felt herself positively beam. She asked for her and not Jimmy. She could here Marissa now, "I want my mom. Please get my mom." Julie had been there. Through everything and was glad for it. It had brought her closer to her daughter who she loved more than anything. Kaitlin had also been a big help. She had begged her mother to stay off school for a while so as she could spend time with her. She missed her weekly riding lessons and refused to go to ballet class until Marissa was at least half way better. "Marissa? Hey honey, are you awake?"

"Yeah mom I'm awake."

"Medicine." Julie said simply and put three boxes of pills and a large glass of water down on her bedside table, "Summer's coming over later. Is that okay?"

"Sure mom. Where's Caleb?"

"At the office. Where else? The last time he was home was three days ago and that was only to shower and change his clothes."

"Why hasn't he come home? I haven't seen him since they day before I went into hospital. That was like six weeks ago. I mean I know that I'm not Kirsten or Hailey but I still thought he would check I was okay."

"Honey he's just really busy right now and he called every single day you were in the hospital. He's been really worried about you." Julie believed she was telling the truth. When Marissa was in the operation room Caleb had quizzed her frantically on the procedure and then called every half hour after that to make sure she was recovering all right. But if he was so worried why hadn't he visited? Why hadn't he come home to check on her himself? Why did he always sound as if he was about to burst into tears every time she spoke to him?

Kirsten cleared away the dishes and checked on the kids in the den. Ryan, Anna and Summer were all watching Luke and Seth play a game about pirates or something on the Playstation. She went back to clearing up the kitchen. If she didn't cook in it she could at least clean up after whoever had cooked that night. She went back into the den, "Are you kids okay in here? Do you want juice or... snacks?" Luke let out a cry as his guy just had his head severely severed. Seth turned to the rest of the group "Don't do it. You guys have managed to escape the Kirsten's culinary skills this long and you're gonna wanna keep it that way. "

"Seth! I can pour chips into a bowl and get dips out of the refrigerator. I'm not completely useless." Kirsten turned on her heel and marched back into the kitchen. Luke turned to Seth, "Wow Cohen your mom's hot! I know who'll be winning ultimatum from now on." Seth grimaced, "Okay no, no, no and NO! You will stay away from my mom dude okay. Don't even think about it." Ryan tapped Luke on the shoulder and growled, "Listen to him or else you'll end up like your guy." He pointed to Luke's player on the screen who was writhing around in pain before having his arm cut off by Seth. "Got it." He said smiling. Kirsten came back into the den carrying a bowl of chips and dips, "Hey what you guys talking about?" Summer opened her mouth to speak but Anna stopped her by answering first, "Just about how... uh Seth should maybe..."

"Cut his hair!" Summer yelled triumphantly. Seth turned slowly toward his girlfriend and squinted his eyes, "Cut his hair?" he mouthed confused. Kirsten frowned and reached over to Seth, "You think? I like it this length. He kinda looks like his uncle Pete when it's short." Seth looked at his mother in shock, "That is an evil thing to say to your child." Kirsten laughed.

"What's wrong with uncle Pete?" Ryan asked. Kirsten made a face, "Well let's just say Sandy's lucky that he look how he looks."

"Really?" Anna asked shocked. Kirsten stopped and looked at Anna before she continued, "I mean because Sandy is a very handsome guy and it's hard to believe that anyone related to him would be... uh..." Summer put her hand on Anna's shoulder, "You're really digging yourself a hole here aren't ya?" She paused for a moment before asking, "You don't think Mr Cohen's hot? I mean for an old guy I'd say he was a good..." she stopped again at the appalled look on everyone's face and Kirsten turned to leave. Before she got out of the room Luke, who had continued to play during the previous conversation, yelled to Kirsten "Hey Mrs Cohen! You should totally try this you look like you'd be able to kick some ass." Ryan and Seth both lunged for Luke and slapped him on the arm

"Luke you have no idea. Hey sweetie. Miss me?" Sandy had arrived home and wandered into the den wondering what the yelling was about. Kirsten turned to face her husband, "I always do." She answered under her breath and pulled him in close. He leaned in and kissed his wife full on the lips, "Wow uh hello we have company. I mean oh come on that's just too much. You guys are sick." Seth was moaning with his head under a pillow. Summer smiled and gushed, "Oh Chino you're parent's are so cute!" Ryan looked at Sandy and Kirsten who merely smiled at Summer calling them Ryan's parents. Summer continued oblivious, "Cohen if we're like that when we're their age then..."

"Oh so were gonna make it to forty? So your not gonna go after my dad?" Kirsten pulled away from her husband, "Okay number one. I am NOT forty... yet. And two. Summer, you better stay away from my man." She went back into the kitchen laughing leaving Sandy looking bewildered, "Okay someone had better tell me what's going on."

**Hope you enjoyed. Please leave a review and ill have a new chapter up soon.**


	11. A Friend In Need

I am loving all the reviews so please keep them coming and I'll keep the chapters coming. I promise.

Chapter 11 

Sandy piled paperwork into his briefcase before yelling a goodbye to his family and reaching for his car keys. "Hey! Get back here now!" his wife growled from the kitchen, "Kiss." She said simply. Sandy jogged into the kitchen and kissed his wife goodbye, "You should really go back to the office honey. You're becoming a fierce little housewife." Kirsten glared at him, "Not until my father realises that he is an ass!"

"Ahh well I'd better get used to it then huh? Bye honey. Bye boys."

Sandy drove into the parking lot outside the office and grabbed his briefcase from the backseat. He got out of the car and noticed his colleague, Rachel, walking rapidly towards the front entrance, "Rachel!!" he yelled for her attention but she didn't seem to hear him as she sped into the elevator. Sandy waited for the next one before striding into his office feeling that today he would do something worthwhile until he found three case files on his desk. He picked up the first one to find a lawsuit against a dentist for a tooth whitening session gone awry. The next two were both noise complaints. He threw them onto his desk and put his head in his hands, "Why did I take this job?" he asked himself under his breath. He had to go and see Rachel about a deposition they both had scheduled today so he walked along the corridor and knocked on the heavy oak door. "Who is it?" came a voice. "It's Sandy." He called while trying to open the door. It was locked. "What do you want?" she called from behind the door.

"Maybe a face to face conversation. I need to talk to you about that deposition today."

"Oh uh... do you think we could reschedule? I'm not really up for it today." Sandy turned to Rachel's assistant who looked just as baffled as him. "She's rescheduled her entire week. She came in here without even looking up at anyone and asked me to change the dates for meetings and depositions for the rest of this week through the intercom." Sandy looked back at the door, "Is there any way I could get a key to this door?"

"Only custodians have keys to the offices." Sandy nodded and tried again but Rachel asked him to leave her alone. Sandy went down into the basement where the janitor's closet was and knocked on the door. It was opened by an old man with a large grey moustache, "Yes?" he asked looking rather surprised to see Sandy there with his best suit on. Sandy knew he wouldn't give him the key without a fight, "I need a key... for an office."

"Whose office? Because you know I can't give it to you if it's somebody else's office."

"Yeah I know it's... yeah it's my office. I lost my key."

"Which office is it?"

"14..." he paused trying to remember, "D! Yeah it's 14D."

"Uh huh. Well I think I'll come with ya. You know just in case it isn't yours."

"Okay I just need the door unlocked. I don't care if you're there or not."

As Sandy and the Janitor, who Sandy soon came to know as Fred, stood in the elevator he was trying to imagine what was wrong with Rachel. He stopped realising he would imagine the worst-case scenario. Instead he made small talk with Fred the Janitor. Sandy found out that he was originally from Texas and was widowed. He had three Grandchildren all of whom lived in Newport with his son and daughter in law. "Well Fred I have to say that this is fascinating but do you think you could open the door now?" They had been standing outside Rachel's office for ten minutes now while Fred searched for pictures of his family in Illinois. "Oh of course Mr Cohen it's just that I am so proud of my family I get a little carried away. Did you know that my son is a doctor in...?"

"Door Fred." Sandy said irritated. Fred unlocked the door and left. Sandy pushed open the door and found Rachel with her back to him. She was staring out the window. "You took your time." She said in a less than friendly tone.

"Rachel what's wrong?" She kept her back turned and didn't answer. Sandy came up behind her and took her elbow. She flinched and he dropped his grip, "Rachel." He said gently. She turned around slowly looking at the floor. Her blonde hair draped her face and she had her right arm wrapped around her stomach. She looked up and Sandy saw it. Her left eye was blue and purple. Her lip was swollen and she had bruises on her neck. Sandy took her arm automatically and she flinched again. "Tender." She said simply.

"Who?" he asked shocked.

"It's not important." She said hurriedly.

"The Hell it is. Tell me." He demanded.

"Alan." She said barely audible.

"Your boyfriend? You've been seeing him for months. Please tell me that this is the first time." Rachel stared at her feet again and sighed, "No."

"Ugh Rachel you should've said something I could've done something."

"What? What could you have done? He's just..."

"Don't make excuses for him. You have to break up with him."

"How can I? It's his house. Where am I gonna go?"

"Family? Friends?"

"All my friends have families of their own so I couldn't... and I can't go to my parents. I don't want them to know about this."

"Okay. You can live with us for a while."

"Huh? No I couldn't intrude and plus your wife hates me."

"What? Why would you think that? Kirsten loves you. It'll be fine." Sandy spent the rest of the afternoon reassuring Rachel that it was okay for her to stay and clearing his schedule for the day. Rachel went back to her office to get her coat and keys and Sandy called Kirsten. "Hey honey. It's Sandy."

"Hey why are you calling in the middle of the day? Is something wrong?"

"Uh well kinda."

"What? What is it? Are you okay?"

"Kirsten calm down. Yes I'm fine. I just called to check something with you."

"What is it?"

"I was wondering if Rachel could stay with us for a while," he said hurriedly.

"Why? Did she get kicked out of her house or something?"

"No... her boyfriend's been beating her. And she doesn't have any place else to go. Please?"

"Uh sure... her boyfriend's been hitting her?"

"Yeah she's in pretty bad shape so warn the kids not to mention anything to her."

"Okay. What are you doing now?"

"I'm gonna go with Rachel to pick up her stuff at Alan's place and then we're gonna come home."

"Okay. I'll have a room ready for her. Love you."

"You too. Bye honey."

Sandy pulled up outside a tall apartment block and looked over at Rachel. She smiled at him, "First time on the numbered streets? I guess it's a bit different from the manor huh?" Sandy smiled and got out of the car, "You don't have to go up with me Sandy. He's at work so..."

"So there should be no problem with me coming up then should there?"

"Uh well okay but... it's kind of a mess so I'm warning you."

Rachel pushed open the door to her apartment and apologised again for the mess, "I didn't have time to clean this morning."

"Don't apologise. I think this is how ours would look if wasn't for Rosa... our maid. Little Mexican woman she's a gem." Rachel laughed and plodded her way past an upturned table and into her bedroom, which was surprisingly rather tidy. Sandy went into the loving room, which was littered with glass and clothes. There was a lamp that had been smashed in the corner and there was a bloody handprint on the wall. "I know it looks like a murder scene but it's not as bad as it looks... hey that's my clothes!"

"What?"

"My clothes. They're all over the floor! He must've done this after I left for work. That bastard!" Rachel went to pick up a pair of jeans that were strewn over the face down television but she winced and grabbed her stomach again. Sandy went over and took her hand away and peered at her stomach, which was covered in bruises. "I think that we should take you to the hospital."

"No! No it's okay. It's just bruises no broken bones. I would know. Please I don't wanna go there."

"Okay. As long as you're okay. Now lets get your stuff and get outta here."

As Sandy went to unload Rachel's cases he realised she probably wouldn't be able to carry anything. "Let's go inside first. I'll get Ryan and Seth to help me with your cases later."

"Okay. Uh Sandy? Thanks for this. I mean you've been great and your wife is... thanks." She finished shakily.

Sandy pushed open the door and led Rachel into the kitchen where Kirsten and Seth were drinking coffee. "Summer's been acting really weird. I don't know what to do she's just..."

"Sandy! Uh Seth we'll talk more about this later okay?"

"Sure."

"Hey sweetie. Seth. How was your day?"

"Pretty good." Kirsten replied as she accepted a kiss on the cheek from her husband. "Hi Rachel. I made you up a room and you're welcome to stay as long as you need."

"Thanks. You and Sandy are great for letting me do this... I won't be here long so don't worry. Just a couple of days while I find a new apartment."

"Hey that's cool. But I'd stay away from Luke right now. I think he's in heat." Seth said. Kirsten frowned, "Luke? He's been pretty nice to me."

"Yeah I wonder why?" Seth said innocently.

"Luke? I thought it was Ryan or... Seth?" Rachel asked uneasily.

"Yeah uh. This..." Sandy answered pointing to his dark haired son, "Is Seth and the blonde one is Ryan. We have a lot of kids around the house right now helping out with Katie."

"And Katie is... Ryan's daughter?"

"You got it. Seth could you help me with Rachel's cases please?" Seth got up lethargically from his seat and dragged his feet to the door leaving Rachel and Kirsten in the kitchen alone. "So... thanks again. For this. If it wasn't for you two I don't know what I'd..." She stopped as Kirsten put her hand up as if telling her to stop, "Please don't thank us. I'm glad we could help."

"Do you have any aspirin? My head is splitting."

"Sure there's some in that cupboard behind you." Kirsten got up to get it, "No it's okay I'll find it." Rachel said as she opened the cupboard door. She saw that the aspirin was on the top shelf. As she reached up for it Kirsten saw her wince in pain. She saw her back was covered in more bruises and cuts. "Here let me get it for you." Kirsten offered.

"Thanks." Rachel said relieved. She wrapped her arms around her sore ribs and poured herself a glass of water. She took the box from Kirsten and sat at the island in the kitchen. Kirsten sat down next to her, "So as you'll probably remember from Thanksgiving I'm not much of a cook so what would you like me order in for tonight?"

**Hope you enjoyed. Please leave a review and I'll have a new chapter up soon.**


	12. The Visit

**You're all getting lazy and not reviewing. I need you to tell me what you think about the chapters so as I can improve and give you what you want. Come on people help me out!!!**

Chapter 12

Marissa delicately sipped her herbal tea before asking her mother, "Mom you know how I'm getting a little stronger now?"

"Yeah." Julie said suspiciously

"Well do you think that I could maybe go out? Not anywhere too busy or anything. I could go to the beach for an hour or go to Dad's place or even over to the Cohen's. I just need to get out for a while."

"Honey I just don't think you're ready for that yet."

"Well could you ask the doctor at least?"

"Okay but don't get your hopes up you've only been out for a couple of weeks. This is a long process and I want you to get better."

"I know and if the doctors say that I can't then I can accept that but could you just ask? Please mom I'm going crazy."

"Okay sweetie. I'll ask. But I'm not promising anything." Julie kissed her daughter's forehead before leaving her to go call Dr Feldman. She walked down a long hall and wondered why Caleb bought such a grand house for him and his new family if he wasn't gonna spend any time in it. She knew she would have to confront him soon but she was afraid of what his reasons may be.

Ryan and Seth sat in the kitchen chewing slowly on their toast that Kirsten had managed not to burn on her third try. Ryan was exhausted. He had been up with Katie all night. "I know it's awful when they're teething but this is ridiculous." Ryan said sighing. "Hey I was up for three days straight with this one here due to teething," Kirsten said ruffling Seth's hair, "He was terrible as a kid. Wouldn't stop crying and yelling." Seth tried to protect his hair but Kirsten only ruffled his hair even more just to annoy him.

"Thanks... that makes me feel great." Ryan said sarcastically, "At least she tired herself out last night so she won't be crying when social services get here."

"Yeah. Are you ready for them?"

"I guess. Shouldn't I wear a shirt or something a little more formal?" Ryan asked looking down at his usual attire of wife beater and black jeans. Kirsten smiled, "No casual's fine. They're checking up on how you look after your kid not giving you a job interview."

"Well you know I don't really get why they're doing this whole check up thing." Seth said irritated.

"Seth. We are Ryan's legal guardians so they wanna see if we're treating him right and also since Ryan's a minor they wanna check on how he's coping with fatherhood. Especially since he's a single parent." Just as Kirsten finished Summer and Anna stumbled into the kitchen both in a fit of giggles, "I am like SO excited!"

"I know they never do marathon's anymore. We totally have to stay up and watch every single one!" Anna babbled.

"Every single what?" Seth asked curious.

"They're having a Golden Girls marathon tomorrow. I can't believe it!" Summer said still laughing. Kirsten frowned and looked over at Ryan who was staring at his hands. "Uh girls you do know that social services are visiting this afternoon don't you?" Kirsten asked sternly. Anna stopped laughing, "Yeah Mrs Cohen. We'll be on our best behaviour I promise." Seth stared at them both eyebrows raised, "You're gonna be here when they get here?"

"Cohen! Of course we are! They wanna see a typical day at the Cohen manor and we're here like everyday so why would we disappear today?"

"Look Ryan if you want us to leave then that's totally up to you but don't you think that it's best to show that we are a united group? That you get lots of help and support from your family and friends?"

"You know she has a point." Seth admitted.

"Yeah it's fine. Just don't be too loud or excitable and Summer try not... to talk or anything." Summer scowled and sat down at the island next to Ryan, "Don't worry Chino I'll be on my best behaviour."

"Uh Summer it might be better if you call him Ryan instead of... Chino. Just a thought." Kirsten said nervously.

"Like I said. Best behaviour."

Sandy and Luke both came in from the den yelling about a video game they had just finished, "Did you see it Mr Cohen? I totally ripped that guy to shreds!"

"Yeah but not after I'd annihilated all of the other ninja's!"

"Dude we rock!" Luke lifted his hand for Sandy to high five but instead he stood there looking embarrassed that everybody had just witnessed this. He walked over leaving Luke looking confused and placed his hand on his wife's waist. "Good morning sweetie."

"Ahh so you decided to show your face?"

"Huh?"

"I haven't seen you for two days! You've been going to work before I wake up and getting home after I'm asleep!"

"I'm sorry honey but I'm kinda run of my feet right now. I took a day off work to be here today for Ryan. Don't I get points for that?" Sandy was interrupted by a yawning Rachel who had just entered the kitchen. She stopped in shock when she realised how many people were now staring at her. "Am I up late today?" She checked her watch and realised that it was only eight thirty, "What's going on?"

"We have social services coming today so we all wanted to be here." Seth answered not taking his eyes off of Rachel's bare midriff. Summer slapped him on the arm, "Why don't you just name your boat after her?"

"Sorry! I didn't know. I'll just grab a bagel and be out of your way. I am so sorry I had no idea."

"Hey it's okay they shouldn't be getting here until..." Sandy was again interrupted but this time it was by a knocking at the front door. They all stopped and stared until Kirsten grabbed Ryan by the elbow and dragged him to the front door. "Stand up straight shake their hands and smile." Kirsten instructed him as the marched to the front door. "Ready?" She asked him and he nodded his head determined. Kirsten swung the door open to find a man and woman both dressed in black suits. "Hi are you from social services?" Kirsten asked.

"Yes ma'am my name is Robert Smith and this is my colleague Sarah Barclay." He extended his hand to Kirsten before extending it to Ryan, "I'm Kirsten Cohen and this is my son Ryan Atwood."

"Nice to meet you." Ryan said unwavering. Kirsten led them into the hall and down the steps, "I apologise for being so early but we have a very busy day today."

"Oh don't mention it. It's fine. Everybody's in the kitchen. Would you like some coffee or tea maybe?"

"Oh no thank you Mrs Cohen." When Kirsten and Ryan had led them into the kitchen they seemed to recoil in shock, "Well we didn't expect to be meeting with such a large group."

"Well you know these guys are here everyday helping out with Katie." Ryan explained to Ms Barclay. Sandy stepped forward and shook both of their hands, "Sandy Cohen. I'm Ryan and Seth's father." Both of them looked around the kitchen to find two young girls standing in the corner keeping quiet, a young dark haired boy sitting at the island in the kitchen next to another young blonde teen. When their gaze fell onto the young woman with the black eye and swollen lip they looked on concerned. "Ma'am would you mind if I asked how you got to look like that?" Mr Smith asked interested. Rachel looked on in surprise, "Oh uh you know what I'm only staying here until I get a new apartment. See I work with Sandy and I uh just needed a hand finding a new place so I shouldn't even be here."

"I apologise for the question but could I ask who did this to you?" Ms Barclay asked all the while scanning the room as if in search of the culprit. Rachel shook her head, "It was my boyfriend. Not any of these guys I promise. Like I said I shouldn't be here so I'll just get out of your way." Rachel said while hurrying out of the room. "She's a friend of mine and she needed a place to stay while she looked for a new place." Sandy explained. Both of them exchange glances and Mr Smith wrote something on his clipboard. "If you don't mind we'd really like to take a look around first."

"No go ahead." Kirsten answered crestfallen. When they had headed upstairs Kirsten sat down heavily on the chair, "This is not going well."

"Hey Mrs Cohen it's not so bad. You what? I think you just need a hug." Luke said while getting off his stool and walking toward Kirsten. Seth sprang from his own stool and grabbed Luke by the neck of his sweater, "You touch my mother and I'll kill you." Kirsten frowned and ignored both boys. Rachel came back into the kitchen, "I am so sorry I totally ruined everything. I'm gonna go and get out of your way."

"No Rachel it's fine you don't have to go." Ryan said standing up, "You didn't ruin anything. Stay."

"No I actually have to go apartment hunting so I'll just... uh go. Bye." Rachel rushed out of the kitchen and opened the front door before turning back realising she didn't have a car, "I think I'll call a cab first." But Sandy was already waiting with his own car keys in his hand, "Here." Rachel reached for them and hurried out of the door again. Kirsten turned to Summer who was looking rather pale, "Are you okay?"

"Huh? Me? Yeah I'm fine why would you ask?"

"You just look a little... uh nothing. Could we talk later?"

"Sure Mrs Cohen."

Mr Smith and Ms Barclay had both returned and were questioning Ryan about being a father when there came another knock at the door. Kirsten glanced urgently around the room to check if anyone was expecting anyone. "I'll get rid of them." Summer announced. She got up and walked to the front door. She opened it a fraction but when she saw who it was she swung the door wide open, "Coop! Oh my God your outside that's amazing!" Kirsten ran into the hall to see why Summer was screaming at the top of her voice when she saw Marissa being pushed in her wheelchair by none other than Julie Cooper. "Marissa! Sweetie oh my God I can't believe you're finally out if that house!" Kirsten bent down and hugged Marissa who lifted her arms weakly to return the embrace. "Honey I'm so happy for you." By this time Sandy and the rest had joined Kirsten and Summer in the hall and Luke and Seth were carrying Marissa's wheelchair down the few steps into the hall. Everyone was really happy about Marissa and seemed to forget about Ryan and the people from social services in the other room.

Ryan sat on the edge of the couch determined not to say the wrong thing. It was easier than he thought. He heard the squeal of Summer's voice coming form the hall. He closed his eyes and pretended he didn't hear her. He focused his attention on both Mr Smith and Ms Barclay. But he then heard the yell of Kirsten voice also from the hall and realised that she wouldn't be yelling about something if it weren't important. He frowned toward the closed door that led to the hall and then he heard it, "Marissa! Oh my God!" Ryan whispered under his breath. Ms Barclay leaned forward, "Excuse me?"

"Uh my friend. She's been really ill. She must be out of the house." He whispered again.

"I beg your pardon?"

"Sorry. I uh..." Ryan was interrupted by the sound of laughter and cheers coming form the hall and all three stood up and looked toward the hall. Mr Smith and Ryan both headed toward the door. When Mr Smith swung it open he found a young girl in a wheelchair being showered with kisses and congratulations. Ryan pushed passed him and sped toward Marissa. "Your out." He said simply. Marissa nodded her head and rewarded him with a massive smile, "The doctors said I was making a remarkable recovery but I can only be here for a little while." Ryan stooped down to her level and embraced her tightly. She leaned forward into his arms and sighed. She looked up to find two rather confused people dressed in black. "Who are they?" she asked. Ryan jumped up, "Oh uh this is Robert Black and Sarah Barclay. They're from social services."

"Oh. If I'd known I'd never have..." Marissa began but she was cut of by Robert who was coming toward her with an outstretched hand, "Think nothing of it Ms uh..."

"Cooper. Marissa Cooper. Thank you." She finished for him while shaking both of their hands. Sarah Barclay straightened up and looked toward Ryan, "Well Mr Atwood I think were about done here. If we could just see Katie first."

"Sure. She's sleeping that's why you haven't been introduced yet."

Ryan helped Marissa get out of her wheelchair and sat next to her in the couch. Everyone else was in the kitchen feeling that Ryan and Marissa had some talking to do. Ryan sat back nervously waiting for Marissa to talk, "So,"

"So." Ryan mimicked, "This is really great... you know with the walking and stuff." Marissa laughed, "Yeah... when did you get so nervous around me?"

"Nervous? Me? Nah I'm just... still a little shaky form the social services visit."

"When are you gonna find out how it went?"

"They said they'd get in contact with us soon."

"Oh. That's great. So I was thinking that now I'm a little better we could spend more time together."

"Sure... but I thought that you could only go out for a little while."

"Yeah but now that I've stopped vomiting very five minutes I'd like it if you visited me, I don't think my mom would mind." Ryan smiled and Marissa took Ryan's hand, "I just want it to go back to normal." She whispered under her breath. Ryan could feel Marissa lean in closer and he thought about getting up. He didn't know if he wanted this to happen. But as much as his mind was telling him to move he couldn't get of the couch. Marissa placed her fragile hand on the side of his face and pulled him closer. When their lips met Ryan knew they were moving too fast. But still he couldn't move. They stayed there like that until Julie called from the kitchen. Marissa sat back up, "Could you help me get back into the chair?" Ryan stood up and Marissa squeezed his hand, "I love you."

**I'll have a new chapter up soon if you review so please, please, please review.**


	13. Words

**It's been a while since I updated I know and I'm sorry but here you go. I'll be updating my other unfinished fics asap too. Sorry about the wait.**

Chapter 13

Rachel poured herself another coffee and scanned the newspaper for any sign of a good apartment, "Morning." Ryan said softly.

"Hey kid how's it goin'?"

"Uh pretty good. Katie's teething is finally nearing an end. How's the apartment hunting going?"

"Not so good. They're either too small, too expensive, too far away or is situated above a brothel." Ryan laughed and reached for the coffee pot, "So what you gonna do today?" Rachel continued.

"Uh I'm gonna go over to Marissa's."

"Again? Wow you must really like each other. That's been everyday for the past week."

"I know. We're just..."

"I get it kid. So how long do you think I'll last here before Kirsten kills me?"

"Huh? What do you mean?"

"Well I've been staying here for two months now and still haven't found an apartment I can afford or will be willing to live in. I think Kirsten's getting pissed off." Rachel smiled and sipped her coffee, "Don't worry kid I'll be outta here soon." Ryan sipped his own coffee silently and waited for everyone to come downstairs.

Kirsten was the first to arrive with Katie in her arms. Ryan put his mug on the counter and took her from Kirsten, "Hey baby girl. How you doin' huh?" Katie gurgled happily as Ryan tickled her and Kirsten warmed up Katie's bottle. Rachel slid away in search of a new apartment. Kirsten handed the bottle to Ryan who went into the den and laid her flat on his chest while she was fed her breakfast. Kirsten followed them, "So what's your plans for today?" she asked.

"Gonna visit Marissa." Ryan asked automatically. Kirsten's face fell, "What about Katie?" she asked. Ryan turned to Kirsten. He had just assumed that Kirsten would be there to look after her again. Kirsten frowned, "Ryan?"

"I... uh I was gonna take her with me."

"Really?" Kirsten said unconvinced but she accepted his answer and walked back into the kitchen. The phone rang suddenly and she lifted the receiver, "Hello?"

"Kirsten? It's me."

"Dad?"

"Yeah. I was... wondering if you were ever gonna come back to work."

"Well dad I'm still mad at you." Kirsten said sternly. There was sigh at the other end of the phone, "I know Kiki. Can we just... talk? I really need to talk to you." This time it was Kirsten who paused before asking, "Okay. How about lunch?"

"That would be great... Kirsten?"

"Yeah?"

"Could you bring Katie? I haven't seen her in a while."

"Um sure I think so. I'll have to ask Ryan." Kirsten answered surprised at Caleb's interest in his great-granddaughter.

"Okay see you at The Arches at... one?"

"Sure. Bye Dad."

"Bye Kiki."

Kirsten didn't have a hard time convincing Ryan to let her take Katie for the day. So she bundled her into the car and drove the ten minutes to The Arches. She asked for a non-smoking table and waited for her father to arrive. As she waited she pulled out a jar of baby food. "Oh Katie you're getting a treat today. Chocolate pudding." She pulled the lid off of the jar and spoon-fed her happily. Just then she saw a figure coming toward her. She looked up and saw a grey and drawn face. There were purple circles around his eyes and his clothes looked three sizes too big, "Kiki." He said and went in for a hug. When she wrapped her arms around him she felt his ribs sticking out through his suit. He looked like an older, male version of Marissa, "Daddy? What happened to you?"

"I'm just a little overtired." He answered as he swooped down and planted a kiss on Katie's head. He wiped away the chocolate smears around her mouth. Caleb was surprised when he heard himself let out a small chuckle. It had been so long since he'd laughed. "Dad, what's going on?"

"We're in trouble Kirsten. Big trouble. The Newport Group is in financial crisis and I have no idea how to get us out of it." Caleb said desperately. Kirsten stared on open-mouthed. "How could I not know about this?"

"The residential division is the only division which makes any profit and now even that's going under."

"What can we do?"

"I have spent the last seven months trying to work that out Kiki and the only thing left to do is to sell the business."

"You can't you built that company."

"It's the only way to keep me from going to jail Kiki..."

"JAIL!" she yelled but realised where she was and lowered her voice, "How can you be going to jail?"

"I owe a lot of people a lot of money Kirsten. The only way to pay them back is with the money I can get for the business. I'm sorry but it looks like we're both out of a job."

Ryan sat on the edge of Marissa's bed and fingered the seams on her comforter, "Ryan? What's up?" Marissa asked. Ryan looked up and saw her brown eyes gazing at him. He studied her face and decided that she was looking a lot better. Her face had rounded and her cheekbones didn't stick out as alarmingly as they did. Her eyes no longer bulged and they were beginning to get their sparkle back. "Nothing," he answered honestly, "Just thinking."

"How's Katie doing? I haven't seen her in a while."

"She's good. She was teething but it seems to have died down for now."

"How old is she now? I can't keep track."

"Seven months." Ryan said thinking about his daughter. He hadn't spent time with her for well over a month now, maybe two. He was always with Marissa. He felt a pang of guilt in his stomach when he realised that he'd been dumping her on Kirsten for the past two months. Later when he got home from Marissa's he found Anna, Luke and Summer in the kitchen playing cards. "What's going on?" Ryan asked as he landed heavily on a chair. Luke answered, "I'm kicking their asses at Snap." Summer and Anna rolled their eyes and Luke slammed his hand hard on the table, "SNAP! Ah see you cannot beat the master." Luke pulled his loot of four cards toward him and Anna leaned over to Ryan and whispered, "This is the only game we can even TRY to let him win at. He's such a sore loser." Summer threw the rest of her cards on the table. "Where the hell is Cohen?" Ryan saw that there was a bundle if cards sitting at an empty place at the table. "Where did he go?" Ryan asked.

"He went to the bathroom. Chill Summer." Luke answered. Summer picked up her cards again and threw them over Luke, "Why don't you chill out, _Dude."_

Ryan got up from the table and went in search of his brother. He got to the top landing when he heard a voice coming form the nursery, "Pat a cake, Pat a cake, baker's man. Bake me a cake as fast as you can; Pat it and prick it and mark it with a 'B', and put it in the oven for baby and me." Ryan found Seth in the nursery with Katie on his knee he had his hands in the air and was clapping his hands along to the rhyme. "Seth?" Ryan laughed. Seth looked up, "hey Ryan. Just spending some quality time with my favourite niece. Aren't I princess? Yes I am." Ryan sat down next to him; "Summer's pining for you downstairs."

"Yeah well a girlfriend isn't as important as your family." Seth said seriously. He looked a Ryan who frowned. Seth tilted his head, "Do you agree?" he asked. Ryan remained silent and Seth continued, "Apparently not." Ryan stared straight ahead and realised he was being a lousy father. He remembered the night when he'd cried to Kirsten, afraid of becoming what he was now. He heard movement behind him and found Kirsten at the door with a bottle of milk in her hand, "Dinner time." She said simply. Ryan stood up, "Thanks Kirsten. I'll feed her." Seth handed Katie to Kirsten and went downstairs to see Summer. Just them Sandy came in and got Katie's pyjamas out of the closet. Kirsten waited until Ryan was comfortable on the chair and she handed Katie to him. When Ryan took her in his arms Katie began to whimper. "Hey baby it's okay. It's me daddy." Katie continued to cry and squirm form Ryan's grip. Kirsten kneeled down in front of them and ran her hands down the side of Katie's face, "Hey honey what's wrong?" Katie reached her arms out to Kirsten and said, "Mama."

Ryan's eyes grew wide and Sandy stopped what he was doing. Kirsten just stared at Katie, "Mama," she repeated while reaching toward Kirsten. Sandy went over to Katie. "She said her first word." He said incredulously, Ryan nodded in shock and listened to his daughter say it again. "Mama," she thought Kirsten was her mother. Ryan closed his eyes. It was his fault. He wasn't spending enough time with her and now she thought Kirsten was her motehr. Kirsten remained silent still crouched in front of Katie. Sandy lifted Katie out of Ryan's arms and spun her around in a circle, "hey baby, you're a smart cookie aren't you?" He laughed and Katie squealed with delight. When he turned back he found Kirsten sitting on the chair Ryan had been in but Ryan was nowhere to be seen.

**Please Review.**


	14. Seeing Sense

**Okay so it's a long time coming but I finally updated! I'm making my way through al my unfinished fics just now so bear with me. I'm so sorry about the long intervals but I have school and work and whatever so that leaves hardly anytime for this but I'm trying my best. Hope you like.**

Chapter 14

Ryan sat by Marissa and rubbed her back. Marissa was throwing up into the toilet and Ryan was kneeling beside her. He felt her body lurch beneath his grasp and when she finally shuddered to a halt he let her fall into him, "I don't know how much longer I can take this." She said. Ryan stayed silent and stroked her hair. He saw Julie appear in the doorway.

"Any better?" She asked hopefully. Ryan shook his head and Julie's face fell, "Well sweetie the doctor will be here soon. He said this might happen with your new medication. It's nothing to worry about."

"Mom, I'm not worrying I just wanna stop throwing up." Marissa said evenly. Julie smiled and checked her temperature with the back of her hand. " Ryan? Could you help her into bed?" Julie asked. Ryan nodded and lifted Marissa into his arms. He hadn't said anything since he arrived. Marissa knew something was wrong but she was feeling too horrible to ask. Ryan laid her on the bed and opened his mouth to speak but no sound came out. Marissa tried to sit up, "What is it?" She asked.

"I thought you were getting better." He said quietly.

"I am. It's just this new medication. My body doesn't agree with the pills. It happened before… remember?" Ryan nodded and sat down. Marissa didn't get to say anything else as the doctor appeared in the doorway.

Kirsten paced the nursery with Katie, "Come on baby. Go to sleep." She pleaded but Katie simply gurgled and laughed. Kirsten checked her watch and saw that it was twelve thirty, "I shouldn't have to do this." Kirsten thought to herself. She knew Ryan should have been there but he was still to busy with Marissa. Ever since Katie had begun to call Kirsten, "Mama," he had cut himself off from them even more. They had tried to stop Katie from saying it but they all knew that was impossible. How is anyone supposed to explain that to an eight-month-old baby? It was understandable though considering she was spending more time with her than anyone else. Including her father. She heard a noise down the hall and she plodded across the room to investigate, "Ryan." She said sternly. He turned to look at her with tired eyes, "Hey," he said. He sounded like he hadn't spoken in days. Kirsten went back into the nursery and laid Katie in her crib. She went back into the hall and found Ryan gone. His bedroom door was shut firmly. She marched down the hall toward his bedroom. She checked her watch again reminding her of how long she had been awake looking after his child. She didn't knock before she pushed the door open and walked into his room. He was lying on his back with his eyes closed. "Ryan?" she asked evenly.

"Yeah?" he asked with a grunt.

"I'm not doing this anymore." She answered outright. Ryan sat up and stared blearily.

"What? Doing what?"

"I'm not taking care of her for you anymore. You can either be a father and look after your little girl or you can shy away from her and pretend she doesn't exist." She stopped suddenly aware of her rising voice. Ryan's expression remained stony. "Why are you doing this Ryan? Don't you care? Your daughter has no idea who you are. You spend all your time with Marissa. Is she more important to you?"

"I can't look after Katie anymore, " he said evenly. He looked away as Kirsten frowned.

"Why?"

"I'm not a father. I suck at parenting. I'm only gonna screw her up. Every time I get close to someone the fall apart. Marissa, Theresa, my mom, Trey. I loved them all and look at them now. Alcoholic, dead, drug addict, convict. I can't do that to my daughter."

"Bullshit." Kirsten said before marching out of the room. Ryan jumped from his bed and followed her. Kirsten continued to rant as she walked down the hall, "If what you say is true then you're a coward. Otherwise you're an asshole and don't deserve her. But you have one last chance to make it up to her." She stood outside the nursery staring at Ryan. "Go and be with your kid. Make sure she's safe. If you don't now then you'll lose her forever." Kirsten walked past Ryan and headed for her room leaving Ryan to ponder her words.

The next morning Kirsten found Ryan in the rocking chair with his daughter sleeping soundly on his chest. He watched as her tiny body rose and fell as she breathed. He smiled lazily and sighed. When he noticed Kirsten standing in the doorway he nodded and whispered, "Thanks."

"Don't mention it."

* * *

Ryan gave up on her bootees and socks as she squirmed on the changing table, "You still don't like shoes huh? Well you don't get that from you mom I can tell you that." He laughed as he tickled her bare feet. He hoisted her onto his chest and realised how much she had grown in he past few months. "Wow baby you're getting heavy." He laughed again and carefully made his way into the kitchen where Seth and Summer sat opposite each other at the breakfast bar. Seth was reading the arts and leisure section and Summer was reading the politics, which struck Ryan as odd, but he knew to expect the unexpected when it came to Summer Roberts. Ryan watched in amusement as they both turned pages and drank their coffee simultaneously and completely oblivious. "Hey guys," he said loudly after a few seconds. Ryan noticed Seth's relief and Summer's wide grin as if they had been waiting until Ryan came to his senses. "Hey buddy." Seth greeted, "What are our plans for today?"

"I'm gonna go to the beach with Katie. Wanna come? I already asked your parents."

"Ugh the rents. At the beach. They get all mushy at the beach." Summer sighed.

"God Cohen. Who cares? We can be as mushy as you want and you don't even have to think about Sandy and Kirsten." She turned to Ryan, "When are we leaving?"

"In about an hour. Still gotta feed her and… buy a bathing suit but don't worry Kirsten is on the case. She left about thirty minutes ago to buy her one."

"Who knew?" Seth asked sarcastically.

Later Ryan and Katie sat on the beach towel as Seth and Summer played Frisbee and Sandy and Kirsten unpacked the picnic they had prepared. Luke and Anna were driving down at that moment and Julie had arranged to bring Marissa for a while as well. Ryan pulled Katie's t-shirt carefully over her head to reveal a tiny pick bathing costume covered in yellow flowers.

"Oh she looks so cute!" Kirsten cooed. Sandy chuckled and threw the tanning lotion toward him.

Later Ryan plodded slowly into the sea with baby Katie in his arms. He let the water get to above his ankles before kneeling down and dipping Katie's feet into the water. She gurgled happily and slashed her feet up and down clearly enjoying the texture of the sand between her toes. "I'm sorry baby." He said sadly, "I'm an idiot but I promise I won't lave you again." Katie continued to gurgle and Ryan took that as a sign of forgiveness.

**Please review.**


	15. The Next Chapter

**See it's winter break so I'm updating faster now. Hope you enjoy**

Chapter 15

Ryan watched Katie make sandcastles with Sandy as he dried off. Summer was laying face down covered head to toe in sun oil and Seth had his nose in an old comic book. Luke and Anna were playing in the ocean and Kirsten simply stared out to sea. He took two cans of diet Pepsi fro the cooler and sat down next to her, "I owe you an apology." He said quietly. Kirsten jumped at the sound of his voice but quickly recovered by shaking her head. Ryan opened his mouth to continue but she pressed her finger to his lips.

"Don't." she said simply. Ryan frowned and tried again but Kirsten interrupted him, "Don't." she repeated. She took the can of Pepsi from his hands and pulled it open. She noticed a silver car pull up at the top of the beach and saw Marissa climb out gingerly with the help of her mother. She turned to Ryan, "You invited her?" she asked pointedly. Ryan paused before nodding slowly. Kirsten raised her eyebrows and stared out to sea again. Ryan watched her for a moment before going to greet Marissa and help her down the beach. When he reached her she grinned wildly.

"No wheelchair. I'm on my own two feet now." She leaned on Ryan's shoulder as she tried to balance her weight on the sand, "Proud?" she asked smiling. Ryan smirked and laughed before nodding. Julie walked on Marissa's other side but she was on her cell.

"Cal. I'm like ten feet away from her… no I won't forget… okay see you later sweetie. I love you… bye." Julie snapped her cell shut as they reached Sandy and Katie. Marissa sat down carefully next to them and helped tap the top of the bucket to loosen the sand. Ryan pulled Katie onto his lap and tickled her feet as she threw the plastic spade as far as she could in the other direction. Kirsten reached for it and threw it back smiling obviously glad he was still with his daughter even with Marissa's arrival. Julie threw her bag onto the blanket and placed her sunglasses on her head, "Hey Kiki. Cal called and said he needs to see you. Some crisis I don't know he didn't give any details." Julie said all this in monotone clearly bored. Her eyes scanned the beach and when they fell upon Luke she stopped, "You didn't say he was here." She accused. Kirsten still trying to register all of the information answered.

"Okay first of all I didn't call you and second why do you care?" she looked at Julie searchingly before shaking her head, "Why does my dad wanna see me?"

"Like I said I don't know. And for the record… I don't care." Julie sat down heavily on the blanket and pulled off her shoes.

"Where is he?"

"At the office. Where else?"

Kirsten collected her bag and car keys before kissing Sandy and Katie goodbye and heading for the office.

When she reached his office she saw him seated at his desk with his head in his hands, "Dad?"

"Kiki. Come sit." He said gesturing to the empty seat opposite him.

"What's going on?" she asked concerned. Caleb closed his eyes and sighed.

"I'm doing this for you. I need to keep you safe and the only way to do that is to remove you from the equation."

"Equation? What are you talking about?" Kirsten's voice rose with each word. Her father reached over and took his daughter's hands.

"Listen to me. Remember when I told you we were in trouble?" Kirsten nodded mutely and waited for him to continue, "Well you're explicit in all of this too so… Kiki… Kirsten sweetie I'm sorry but I have to fire you."

"What?" Kirsten pulled her hands away from her father and stood up abruptly. Caleb got up and walked around his desk, "Listen to me. They might acome after you and… my family is the most important thing in my life. I have to protect it. I'm sorry but it's the only way." Kirsten saw her father's once bright and lively eyes dim. The rings around his eyes had darkened over ye last few days and his faint laughter lines had deepened. Kirsten sighed and nodded.

"Okay. What now?" she asked calmly, "Are you still selling?"

"Yes."

"So why fire me? If we're selling soon then the problem's solved. You pay everyone off and we'll start from scratch again."

"It's more complicated than that Kiki. Trust me on this one."

* * *

Seth and Anna stumbled through the door with three beach bags and an inflatable dolphin in their arms. Summer strolled in after him pulling at her hair, "The salt totally makes my hair frizz out. I look like Diana Ross." Ryan and Katie followed and Sandy and Luke were still unloading the car. Seth found his mother in the kitchen nursing a cup of coffee and she looked tired to the bone. She had aged about ten years in the past three hours, "Mom?" Seth said concerned as he dumped his bags and rushed to her side, "Are you okay?" 

"Yeah I'm okay, Seth. I need to talk to your dad right now but we'll talk later okay?"

"Has something happened? Is it grandpa? The Nana? Is it you? Are you sick?"

"No Seth I'm fine. Just go and be with your friends right now okay." Kirsten said laughing. She pushed Seth toward the den and gestured to her husband to sit next to her. Sandy took her hands and waited for her to begin. "My dad fired me." Sandy frowned. He hadn't been expecting that. Pregnancy, disease, death sure but fired? It didn't seem possible. "He wanted to protect me." she went on. Sandy frowned

"You were involved too? All that stuff that happened involved you too?"

"It could but he just wanted to get me out of the picture as soon as possible." Sandy was surprised at how well she was taking this.

"What do you wanna do now?" he asked cautiously.

"Well… I was thinking that I could do something I've wanted to do… forever but it's kind of a big step."

* * *

Ryan woke the next morning in the nursery. He had fallen asleep in the rocking chair by the crib. His neck was sore and stiff. He checked the time and saw that it was nine thirty. He leaned over the crib and found it empty except for a note that said, "She's downstairs. Don't panic." Ryan recognised Summer's handwriting and he smirked. That girl knew more about him than he did. He went downstairs and found Kirsten, Sandy and Seth all at the breakfast bar, "Where's Rachel?" he asked yawning. Sandy answered. 

"She's thinks she may have found an apartment so she's checking out now. Come sit. We have news." Ryan hesitated but sat down nonetheless. Kirsten sighed and began.

"Okay so yesterday I went to see my dad and he told me that… I was fired." Seth open his mouth to speak obviously outraged but Kirsten continued, "BUT I have an idea if what I wanna do next. I'm gonna open an art gallery." Ryan looked around the room stupidly wondering if he was still dreaming.

"Why?" he asked confused.

"Well I have an art history degree I never use and it's what I always wanted to do before I was swept up into the real estate industry. Now I have the chance to do it. And I have a million things to do. I gotta find a place, decide on a theme- though I'm thinking regional art- I gotta get a contract made up but of course my dear husband can help me with that and… okay you don't have to know what I have to do but what do you think?" Kirsten said all this in one breath and her cheeks reddened with excitement. Sandy stood behind her gesturing to the boys with thumbs up. Ryan and Seth looked at each other both overwhelmed before nodding and agreeing as enthusiastically as they could. Katie gave a well-timed yell from her high chair. Kirsten beamed and took a breath relieved that her family was on board. Ryan stared around the kitchen before asking, "So what do we have to do now?"

**Please review.**


	16. New Start

**See it's winter break so I'm updating faster now. Hope you enjoy**

Chapter 16

Things were good. Actually things were great. That's why he was so worried. He lay in bed running through everything in his mind. Kirsten was happy. Sandy was happy. Seth and Summer were good. Katie was taking a break from teething. Anna and Luke came and went. And Marissa was making an excellent recovery. He frowned. There had to be something. It had never been like this. There was always something going on in the back of his mind. At first it was his outsider status, then the trouble with Luke and Marissa, Oliver, Theresa, Julie, Caleb… it went on and on. Even Caleb was out of hot water. He had sold the company and settled into an early retirement keeping a low profile. Now it was just a matter of waiting to see what happens next. Ryan Atwood. Always expecting the worst. Sandy would be proud. He really was a Cohen.

* * *

Kirsten stood in the middle of the room taking in the space. She looked to her husband who stared around blankly, clearly bored. "You didn't have to come," she pointed out. Sandy smiled widely and shook his head. 

"No sweetie it's great. It's got a lot of space and… and uh… walls. It's great." Sandy tried his best to show his enthusiasm. To him it was an empty ground floor of an old apartment block. But to her it was a canvas. She would line the walls with beautiful works of art. Creating a space where people could appreciate some of the more contemporary art. She decided against the regional theme and went modern. "I think it's the best road to take…" Kirsten babbled on for a while about the different types of art and what was right for her but the boys couldn't register anything she said so she merely ranted to herself as the boys tried to look interested while fighting against one another in a video game or playing with Katie.

Sandy noticed the spark in her eyes as she searched the room. She ran her hands across the walls and looked in every corner. She wanted to take in every little bit of it. He walked to where she was and wrapped his arms around her from behind, "I haven't seen you like this in a while."

"Like what?" she asked smiling as his hands found hers.

"Passionate. Driven. This. Is the woman I married." He answered echoing his wife's words to him the summer before. "Although I wouldn't mind if you wanted to show off the belly button ring of yours." He said as he grazed her pierced navel. She blushed.

"Okay first if all I hate that word, belly button, and second. The only reason I haven't taken it out is because I don't want to leave a scar. I'm too old for all of that."

"You're not a day over twenty two. When your hair was pink and your clothes were torn and faded. You used to wear those old punk t-shirts and chains on your jeans. You chewed gum and danced on tables at parties." Kirsten's cheeks reddened as she remembered how she would clamber onto the nearest table and dance when she had gotten drunk. Always vying for attention.

Kirsten smiled and spun on her heel. She wrapped her arms around his neck as he lowered his grip to her hips.

"Thank you." She said quietly.

"For what?" he asked grinning. He couldn't take his eyes from her. The spark in her eyes was back. She was gorgeous.

"For supporting me with this. For being there and helping my dad. For loving me after all these years. For everything I guess." She finished and tilted her head waiting for him to lean in. Instead he asked, "Do you remember when we danced at our first newpsie event?"

"The fundraiser for the retirement home? Uh yeah. Why?"

"Do you remember the song?" Kirsten frowned before her face lit up as she remembered.

"It was our song. Solomon Burke." She said whispering softly. Sandy had started to sway from side to side.

"Close your eyes." He ordered. She obliged smirking slightly. She rested her face against his and he sang softly into her ear as they danced slowly in the middle of the empty room.

_If I fall short  
If I don't make the grade  
If you're expectations aren't met in me today  
There's always tomorrow, or tomorrow night  
Hang in there, baby  
Sooner or later I know I'll get it right  
Please don't give up on me  
Oh please don't give up on me_

Marissa spooned mushy carrots into Katie's mouth. "There you go baby." Katie opened her mouth waiting for the next spoon and Marissa indulged happily. Ryan lay back and finished the comic book he had been reading before cleaning up Katie and setting her in her walker. Marissa leaned back onto him and watched Katie as she zoomed up and down the den yelling, "Dada dada dada!" Ryan smiled. He was father. She had stopped calling Kirsten, "Mama," and had now opted for, "Mom." Which wasn't much better but Kirsten was the closest thing she had to a mom so he had come to accept that. Marissa shifted her weight to face him; "I went to the hospital yesterday."

"And?" he asked eagerly.

"I'm in the clear." She said excitedly, "I mean is still have check ups every now and then and I still have to finish my round of medication but after that I'm done!" Katie stopped and pointed at Marissa, "Ga?" she said in her tiny voice. Marissa got up and scooped Katie into her arms, "Yeah baby I'm all better now." She held her above her head and Katie squealed loudly. She brought her down and let her snuggle into her neck. "It's a new start Ryan. I'm back."

* * *

Seth pulled Summer into his arms and sighed. He kissed the top of her head as he felt her relax in his arms, "You okay?" he asked. She had been distant lately and he was starting to worry. He looked out at the waves as the crashed onto the shore. 

"Yeah. Why?"

"You're acting weird recently. Quiet. Reserved. Distant."

"If I tell you something please don't freak out okay?" Seth's face grew grave as he stiffened his grip on her hands.

"What's wrong?" he couldn't hide the fear and concern in his voice. Summer dug her feet deep into the sand and leaned further into his chest.

"My dad." She paused trying to find the right words, "He's taking me away."

"What?"

"He's going to a new surgery in Miami and he's taking me with him. I asked him if I could stay but he doesn't wanna leave me in that house on my own and even if I got an apartment I'd be alone and I don't know what to do. I have to go with him. I don't have any family and…" Seth put his finger to her lips.

"Slow down. He's taking you to Miami because you don't have anyone here to look after you?" he asked. Summer nodded mutely and a single tear slid down his cheek. Seth continued, "How would he feel about leaving you with friends?"

"No. Seth. No that's why I didn't tell you. You have enough to worry about. You have Katie and your mom's new gallery and your Grandpa."

"Summer you practically live there already. You go home two nights a week to get some more clothes, which you now keep in my closet. You come to ours after school and usually spend the night. It won't be that much of a change."

"But your parents…"

"Adore you." He finished. Summer looked back out to the ocean contemplating his offer before turning back. She nodded slightly and let Seth pull her into his arms.

Please review.


	17. Decisions

**I'm not getting as many reviews as I'd hoped. Please let me know how it's going. It pushes me to write more and if I don't know you're reading then I won't have any reason to continue.**

**Hope you like.**

Chapter 17

"Seth this is a lot to take on." Sandy said with a worried glance at his wife.

"I know. It's a lot to ask but like I've already told Summer, it's not hat much of a change. She's here all the time anyway."

"Seth this is totally different. We would be solely responsible for her." Kirsten chimed in. She frowned mulling the situation over in her head. She loved Summer. She jelled well with the family and they had come to accept her as one of their own but it was a big step. "Can we think about it?" she asked sighing. Seth gave a small smile before nodding.

"Thanks mom."

"We're not saying yes or no yet so don't get your hopes up." His father yelled as Seth bounded out of the kitchen. Kirsten turned to face her husband.

"What are your thoughts?" she asked questioningly. Sandy raised his eyebrows and brought his hands to the air. He shook his head hopelessly.

"This is a lot to ask." He answered in a low tone, "Are we able to look after another child? We already have three. What do you think?" Kirsten sat down and stared into her coffee.

"I'm thinking that there's no way I can say no to her." She was interrupted by a yell from the next room.

"COHEN!" This was followed by a raging Summer storming into the kitchen obviously outraged, "Kirsten. Sandy. I'm so sorry I wanted to ask you myself but dumbass over here jumped the gun and did it on my behalf." She glared furiously over at Seth who was staring back dumbfounded.

"What does it matter if I asked for you?"

"Because this is something that I have to do on my own. I don't need you doing it for me." She slapped Seth hard on the arm and marched over to Kirsten and Sandy who were staring slightly amused at their bickering. Summer settled herself on a stool next to Kirsten and opened her mouth to begin before she noticed Seth take the stool opposite her, "Cohen?" Seth got up drearily from his chair and shuffled into the living room. Summer started again, "Can I begin by apologising again? I wanted to ask you but…"

"Dumbass over there jumped the gun?" Sandy cut in unable to contain his laughter. Kirsten smirked before turning to Summer.

"Sweetie, you do realise that this is a huge thing you're asking us to do?"

"I know and that's why I wanted to explain everything to you first. Okay?" She paused and waited for either Sandy or Kirsten to nod in agreement, "Okay first of all. This is my only chance of staying in Newport. With my friends and my own school. My dad won't let me stay by myself and if he knew that there were people to look out for me then he would be okay with me staying here."

"We get it sweetie but what about your dad? You don't wanna be with him?" Sandy asked.

"Yeah of course but he works like all the time and I barely get to see him anymore. You've all become my family. I love spending time with you all. Why do you think I'm always here? If you let me stay I won't be any trouble. I can look after Katie and help around the house. And no one but Marissa knows this but I am actually a pretty good cook." Sandy opened his mouth to comment but Kirsten silenced him with a glare and allowed Summer to continue, "I'm here all the time anyway." She finished weakly unable to find any more reasons for them to agree to this. Kirsten smirked convinced but kept quiet as she looked searchingly at Sandy who was frowning obviously still contemplating her words. He glanced at his wife who pouted sadly and tilted her head toward Summer who was staring at them both expectantly. "Look I don't expect you to say anything right away and I totally understand if you say no. Thanks for thinking about it at least." She got up slowly from the stool and turned to leave but Sandy called out.

"Ah you got me. You can stay." He said in a mock defeated voice. Summer's face lit up and she threw herself across the kitchen toward Sandy. She forced her full weight on him as she pulled him into a crushing hug.

"Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. You have no idea how much this means to me. Thank you guys so much." She finally let go of Sandy and turned on Kirsten who was laughing hysterically at Sandy's expression. Shock. Bewilderment. Amusement. All rolled into one. She embraced Summer before releasing her to Seth who was standing in the kitchen doorway with open arms. She ran and bounded into his arms and he spun her in the spot.

"I'm staying! I can't believe it. Do you have any idea how long I've been keeping this?" Seth set her on the floor and grabbed her hand.

"Let's go make some space for you in my room." He made to pull Summer out of the kitchen but Kirsten's voice interrupted their laughter.

"Hey, hey, hey who said anything about you sharing a room?" Seth stared back his mother crestfallen, "Separate rooms." She continued. Sandy nodded.

"Yeah you think we're gonna allow you two to be alone up there day and night?"

* * *

Ryan lay back in the pool house enjoying the feeling of his daughter's chest rising and falling on his. She was asleep curled into a ball on his chest. He was beginning to take pleasure in spending time with his daughter. He was amazed at how smart she was. She was learning new words every day and she was even starting to walk a little with the help of either him or her grandparents. Her hair was raven black and her skin was sallow like her mother's. The likeness was unbelievable. She had her mother's almond eyes but they were bright blue like his and her mouth sometimes curled into the same half smile he was famous for. She was stubborn like Theresa and yet patient like her father. It was a perfect blend of them both. He smiled imagining what kind of life he could now give to his daughter. But one thing was for sure. He had to go back to school.

* * *

Kirsten ran her hands through her hair in frustration. She had so much paperwork to do that she didn't know where to begin. The dim light from the lamp made her eyes bleary and her head began to thud. She didn't notice when Sandy entered the room and crept up behind her. She leaned back into her chair and collided with something soft. She jumped and turned to investigate and found that her husband was standing behind her holding his stomach. "Ow! That hurt!" he said anguished. She got up quickly apologising and stroking his stomach softly.

"Sorry baby. Better?" she said as she made small circles on his abdomen. He nodded smiling.

"What you doing?"

"Paperwork. What else?"

"Take a break honey. You've been working all day."

"I know but tomorrow we're going over to Dr Roberts' to talk about Summer so I'm not gonna get much done then. I need to get this out of the way." She said exasperated. Sandy rubbed soothing circles into the small of her back and pulled her close. He breathed in her scent. It was a mixture of perfume and shampoo. He smiled as she let herself relax into his embrace. He ran his hands up and down her back as he placed small kisses on her neck. She giggled as he hoisted her onto the desk and she wrapped her legs around his middle. She pulled him toward her by his tie and kissed him deeply. His hands reached under her shirt just as the door to the study swung open to reveal Summer holding two mugs of coffee in her hands, "I made coff… oh! I'm… I'm sorry… I just… Oh my God!" she pulled the door closed and sped back to the kitchen. Sandy looked back at his wife who had unravelled her legs from his waist and stood next to him now crimson faced. Sandy closed his eyes, "It starts."

Does the fact that Sandy and Kirsten ALWAYS get interrupted annoy anyone else?

**Please review.**


	18. His Turn

**Okay this is probably the last chapter, at least for a while anyway. I'll either continue with this, start a sequel or just leave it as is. I know it's been ages but I'm trying hard to get Palm Trees finished too.**

**Hope you like.**

Chapter 18

"Happy Birthday to you!" The Cohen's, Ryan, Marissa and Summer all rang out happily. Katie laughed and clapped her hands. Ryan and Marissa blew out the single candle on the large pink cake shaped like a number one.

"Hey baby do you want some cake?" Ryan asked his daughter smiling.

"No, no, no, no!" she yelled while shaking her head violently.

"I guess that's a no then." Sandy laughed. Anna and Luke both entered the kitchen hurriedly holding a gift each for Katie.

"Aww man we missed the cake!" Luke pouted.

"Sorry we're late," Anna apologised and placed the gift of the table. She kissed Katie's long wispy hair and Luke pulled up a chair, "So we didn't miss cake?" Kirsten shook her head and smiled.

"No you didn't." She let Ryan cut large slices of the cake and she busied herself with the wrapping paper in the den. She scooped the paper into her arms and scrunched it into a ball before throwing it into the garbage. She stared out of the window mutely and thought over the past year. She couldn't believe they had all survived. So much had happened. There were technically only two new members to the family, Katie and Summer, but with Luke and Anna being around so much they were as good as anyone. Her perfect life had turned into a zoo and she liked it. Her thoughts were interrupted by a hand making small circles on her back. She leaned back into her husband's embrace. "You okay?" he asked, his low voice growling in her ear. She closed her eyes and nodded her head.

"Yeah. I am."

Anna cradled Katie in her arms and swayed gently, "I'm gonna miss you, baby." She whispered. Marissa sat in the chair facing her, "She'll miss you too you know." Anna smiled and dropped a light kiss on her forehead. She untangled Katie's tiny fingers from her blonde hair now long enough to cover her shoulders. She placed Katie in her crib and, followed by Marissa, made her way downstairs. She found Ryan, Seth and Summer all in the hallway waiting for her, "Okay guys. I'm ready so I guess I'll see you all in a few months."

"Yeah you'd better. Don't make me come to Pittsburgh and find you." Summer said in her toughest voice.

"Bye Blanche."

"Bye Rose." As they both embraced. Seth wrapped his arms around both girls. Ryan and Marissa decided to join them and it ended up a group hug. They all laughed loudly and when Anna had managed to push them all off Ryan walked Anna to the taxi waiting outside for her.

"My aunt is having all my stuff flown over tomorrow." Anna said softly. Ryan nodded and opened the car door. Anna reached up and wrapped her arms around him tightly, "I promise I'll be back."

"Thanks Anna. I'm glad you stayed."

"Yeah well a year in Newport and away from my home is tough on a girl. But staying away from all of you will be tougher." She let out a small chuckle and released Ryan from her grip. She climbed into the taxi and waved Ryan goodbye.

"Bye Anna"

Summer placed Princess Sparkles on her dresser and unscrewed the lid off her nail polish bottle. She turned up the volume on her I-pod and sang along happily to her Modest Mouse CD. She ran the brush over the last nail and smiled content with her work. Just as she screwed the lid back on she felt her earphones being pulled from her ears. "Hey!" she reached up to smack Seth hard on the arms but remembered her wet nails just in time. "What are you doing?"

"You were wailing at the top of your voice and Katie's taking a nap."

"Oh sorry. I was just having a little pampering session."

"Sounds very womanly so I'm gonna just leave." He turned on his heel to leave but Summer grabbed his arm.

"I said I _was_ having a pampering session. I'm done." She relaxed her grip and allowed his hands to find her waist.

"Really? So what you doing now?"

"I don't know." She answered grinning. She pulled him down closer and traced a line of kisses along his jaw line until she found his lips.

"You do realise my mom and dad are home?"

"So?"

"So… you know the rules." Summer silenced him with a kiss and pushed him against the wall.

"SETH?" his father's voice sounded from downstairs.

"How did he know?" Summer asked exasperated. Sandy's voice sounded again.

"Seth, come help with the groceries." Seth sighed and placed a final kiss on top of Summer's head and reluctantly made his way downstairs. He found Julie Cooper and his mom having a discussion in the kitchen and his father running through the house with a grocery bag on each arm, "Come on Seth. Lend a hand will ya?" His father said obviously irritated.

When they had finished with the groceries both Seth and Sandy made their way into the den, "Up for a little Playstation old man?"

"Yeah. Just don't expect to be playing a fair fight."

They both played in silence for a while before Sandy asked, "So how are you doing? You okay?"

"Uh… yeah why?"

"Just checking. I haven't spoke to you in a while. Just wanna make sure you're alright."

"No it's good. I'm happy, Summer's happy; Ryan and Marissa are going strong. It's all good." Sandy smiled at his son's words.

"That's all I needed to hear buddy."

Ryan lay in the pool house thinking back on all the times he'd spent in there mulling over his problems. He had always enjoyed the freedom of the pool house but somewhere he had always felt like an outsider or a tenant. Like he was just renting a room but now he was inside. With his family. It felt good to be wanted and accepted into a place that was happy and safe but sometimes he still liked to retreat to his old hiding place and think about his life. Sandy had always favoured the beach for such tasks, Kirsten stared out of the kitchen window and Seth… well Seth didn't really think. He was more of a talking about it kind of guy. He had been waiting on the bad luck to start for a while now but he was now coming to realise that things didn't always have to balance out. There can be more good than bad in your life. He had always had the other end of the bargain but now perhaps it was his turn to be happy. His baby was now a toddler and adored her father more than anyone. Kirsten was busy with her gallery and Sandy and Seth were both just droning on as they always did. It was his turn and he was happy.

fin.


End file.
